Who cares about copious amounts of sleet, snow or rain? Cumbridge still hashes! We're the fucking postal service of hashing, bitches! Six brave souls showed up to hash with Cumbridge this Friday despite the lack of a bag car or even visibility.
Hare: Krusty the Meat Miser
Pack: Pubic Service Announcement, Sugar Plum Fairy, High Anus, Cum is Kosher, 'Ed Master and General Ass Pounder (aka GAP)
Pre-lube: Whitney's Cafe in Harvard Square
On-In: Sports Depot Restaurant, Allston, MA (Cumbridge, not just ending on the red line anymore!)
On-After: The Pill @ Great Scott, Allston, MA
Trail began when the hare broke the news that, no Virginia, there wasn't a bag car. As the pack came to terms with the idea of carrying their bags through the snow the hare, using chalk and a printed map in the corner of the bar, did some recalculating (read: drinking) and trimmed trail from 3.3 miles to 2. Yay cartography!
While the pack continued to stay warm with cold beer and straight up shots, shouts of 'Hares away' sent me packing and into the snow drifts of Harvard Square. Trail wound through Harvard, over the JFK bridge into the Harvard athletic fields, over a few fences and out onto Wester Ave in Allston. The pack, however, never knew any of this. The beers were too cold and the shots too good so by the time they left the bar, the bright blue trail marks had been covered by falling snow.
PSA, who would later drink for using technology on trail called the hare 3 times for a trail update. She had to speak loudly to be heard over the sounds of the snow orgy that was occurring in the background. After the 3rd call, the hare realized that nearly 5 lbs of bright blue flour had gone unseen by the pack. He backtracked to a bus stop on N. Harvard St where the pack, hauling their bags, caught up. The last mile of trail was quick as the pack only gave the hare 6.9 seconds before tearing through the snow after him.
Reservations had been made for a back room at the on-in, Sports Depot Restaurant, in order to avoid disturbing the norms. This proved unnecessary as the pack doubled the number of customers in this fine establishment. Still, beer was ordered and the back room doubled as a changing room while cries of "Trail of the year!" (sarcasm) and "Naked snow angels for the hare!" (not sarcasm) were heard.
The waiter tried to seat the pack but was instead told that dark rituals (aka 'circle') needed to be performed first.
After a gathering of the pack and a down-down for the hare by GAP, it was Krusty the Meat Miser who took over. In addition to the usual FRB/FBI, visitor and smaht kid down-downs, there were 2 Cumbridge namings this circle.
Cum is Kosher declared herself a Cumbridge virgin and was summarily demented by High Anus (and the peanut gallery) before proving herself worthy of hashing on the Red Line. From this day forward, Cum is Kosher shall be known as Cougar Consulting (motto: mauling younger men since 2004) in the CH3.
GAP, also a Cumbridge virgin kneeled in circle and was given the CH3 moniker TittyHead due to PSAs rack fitting snugly atop his head when at that height.
Namings were also attempted for both Krusty and PSA but they hadn't done anything galactically dumb enough to merit a Cumbridge name.
Finally, the condom down-down was performed (sans condom) by someone.
Circle was wrapped with a rousing version of 'Today is Monday' and the pack then summoned the frightened waiter to serve them. After changing back into now semi-dry clothes, the pack trudged through the snow to Great Scott to do some dancing at the Pill. Fuck the weather, we're hashing!
On-PostalServiceOfHashingBitches-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
CH3 Hash #15: The Cumbridge Pre-Holiday Hash
Have the holidays got you stressed out? In need of a party that has nothing to do with Christmas? Looking to drink beer instead of egg nog and forget about all the shopping you STILL have to do? Then this hash is for you...
What: The CH3 Pre-Holiday Hash
When: Friday, 12/19 @ 630 HST
Where: Pre-lube is Whitney's Cafe, 37 JFK St, Cambridge, MA. Trail will be marked from the Harvard T Stop (but only the main T stop where the protesters, crazy bums and skater kids hang out. Wankers coming from the bus T stop will be fending for themselves. Use googlemaps bitches!).
Who: Krusty the Meat Miser and a bag car TBD
NOTE: I currently need a bag car. Hash cash is waived for bag car and I will offer you $5 in gas money, please email me if interested.
Hash cash is $5 for beer only. On-in will offer food and a chance to embarrass yourself in front of non-hashers by singing out of tune. There will also be an optional dancey on-after with a $5 cover.
On-drinkholidaystressaway-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
What: The CH3 Pre-Holiday Hash
When: Friday, 12/19 @ 630 HST
Where: Pre-lube is Whitney's Cafe, 37 JFK St, Cambridge, MA. Trail will be marked from the Harvard T Stop (but only the main T stop where the protesters, crazy bums and skater kids hang out. Wankers coming from the bus T stop will be fending for themselves. Use googlemaps bitches!).
Who: Krusty the Meat Miser and a bag car TBD
NOTE: I currently need a bag car. Hash cash is waived for bag car and I will offer you $5 in gas money, please email me if interested.
Hash cash is $5 for beer only. On-in will offer food and a chance to embarrass yourself in front of non-hashers by singing out of tune. There will also be an optional dancey on-after with a $5 cover.
On-drinkholidaystressaway-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Saturday, November 8, 2008
CH3 Hash #14: Return to Cumbridge!
All you wankers missed an amazing trail last night laid by Wang Chunks and me. There was also a bag car...Stretch something. Pictures will be posted soon of Fire in the Hole drinking from a FUCKING CONDOM! WOOOOOOOOO! It looked really awkward and awesome. She'll find out this morning if she's allergic to latex.
On-sweatyhugsandkisses-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
On-sweatyhugsandkisses-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Tuesday, August 12, 2008
CH3 Hash #13: Summer Beer Mile!
Has it really been a whole year? It seems like only yesterday that the inaugoral Cumbridge hash baptized Magazine St beach with beer, running and booting. Let's celebrate the first analversary of the CH3 with the Summer BEER Mile! It's your only chance to do a Cumbridge BEER mile until the winter! Come on out to see who's fast, who's slow and, most importantly, who boots.
A beer mile involves 4 quarter miles and 4 beers. Drink a beer, run a lap. Do it 4 times and you've completed a beer mile. Congratulations! Any vomiting results in running a penalty lap but not a penalty beer. Click here for complete rules.
When: Friday, Aug 15th @ 615pm HST, heading to Magazine St Beach at 645pm.
Where: Meeting @ River Gods, 125 River St, Cambridge, MA. Trail will be marked from Central Square T on the Red Line.
Hash Cash: $5 for runners and spectators, beer for all (yay!) but food not included.
Be there to kick off another year of hashing in Cumbridge!
On-beermiletimeagain-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
A beer mile involves 4 quarter miles and 4 beers. Drink a beer, run a lap. Do it 4 times and you've completed a beer mile. Congratulations! Any vomiting results in running a penalty lap but not a penalty beer. Click here for complete rules.
When: Friday, Aug 15th @ 615pm HST, heading to Magazine St Beach at 645pm.
Where: Meeting @ River Gods, 125 River St, Cambridge, MA. Trail will be marked from Central Square T on the Red Line.
Hash Cash: $5 for runners and spectators, beer for all (yay!) but food not included.
Be there to kick off another year of hashing in Cumbridge!
On-beermiletimeagain-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Sunday, July 13, 2008
Hash Trash: The Dick My Duck Hash
This hash was co-scribed by Krusty the Meat Miser and Jolly Green Vagina and is, as usual, guaranteed 69% accurate.
Hares: SATRAC, Bend Over Mommy, Dick Me Duck and Spunk in the Trunk (bag car)
Pack: Krusty the Meat Miser, Jolly Green Vagina, Shorn Scrotum, Peppermint Pussy, Just 'Stina, 'Edmaster, You Oughta Blow, Schindler's Fist, Goat Throat, I Eat Cum (HVH3), Just Leanne, Tequila Tony (from Seattle, pre-lube only), Crucifux, Nice Tits, Floppy Dick, High Anus, Spoonful of Semen, Gay Pride, NAMBLA, Sucks Hard for the $, Just Wells, Virgin Susanne, Just Johnathon, Virgin Joaquim (spontaneous virgin), Unlikely to Finish (spontaneous virgin)
After work on Friday, the Cumbridge hash gathered at Tommy Doyle's smack in the middle of happy hour. Hashers watched guys "buy drinks" for ladies in hopes of seeing them topless later in the evening. We all wondered why they didn't just wait for a tit check. I love the hash.
Tequila Tony, a visitor from Seattle, joined us for a BEvERage at the pre-lube but had to rush of for a business meeting or a sex-change operation, we're still not really sure. Dick Me Duck also made a frisky appearance as he gently caressed Just Stina and was tag teamed by both Stina and Peppermint Pussy (I believe there's picture evidence). The hares had been away 6.9 minutes when the pack circled for chalk talk, RA'd by Krusty. 2 virgins joined us from the bar, one of whom dubbed himself "Unlikely to Finish." Marks were typical except for the Quack Check, which results in lots of quacking and confusion. After introductions, chalk talk and a single verse of "Hey, my name is Joe" the pack was away with an innocent bystander asking I Eat Cum what was going on. IEC answered the dude with his duck call until he gave up .
Trail wound through Kendall Square, eventually bringing the pack to the classic MIT pub, the Muddy Charles. The pack had 10 PITCHERS to finish, leaving plenty of time for loud hash conversations. When informed of the ridiculous amount of beer, JGV decided he was going to "pass out in my car at Alewife, puke a few times and then go home." I Eat Cum, a visitor, was impressed to be drinking in such a smart bar. So impressed, that he wore a bag on his foot and tried reading a magazine upside down. It's likely that he's slightly retarded.
The drunk, wobbly pack was away again, this time through the tunnels of MIT, through the tennis courts and near the dog park with the cannons, not far from the BU Bridge. The pack enjoyed spiked gatorade while Nice Tits got down in the dirt to "examine" Krusty's broken "knee". Afterwards she exclaimed "I'm a dirty, dirty whore."
After the beer check, trail quickly found its way to the classiest joint in Cumbridge, the duck/homeless haven right next to the BU bridge. A large flcok of ducks were quickly scared away by overzealous hashers who may have wanted to screw them. Only I Eat Cum, using his duck call, tried to seduce them.
Krusty RA'd circle, rallying the pack with a rousing "Circle up wankers!" and a mention of the "climax" of this running of the CH3.
The hares were given comments on trail like "duckalicious", "nice tunnels" and "fuck the ducks!" They were seranaded with "You're a Shitty Hare" before their down-down of warm Coors Light (aka FUCKING WATER).
Next up were the FRB/FBI (High Anus/Just Leanne) and 'Ed Master, for wearing a racist shirt, who demonstated the Cumbridge down-down to our 3 virgins. One of the keys to the CH3 down-down is inverting your vessel because what doesn't go in you, goes on you, just like sucking cock.
The DALs were 'Ed Master and Nice Tits. Anyone who dressed for the occasion was brought in for the Ducks on Trail down-down. The virgins were summarily demented by Peppermint Pussy. Unlikely to Finish was also demented by his proxy sponsor, I Eat Cum, who was wearing a kilt. Just a kilt. We had 2 visitors in circle, I Eat Cum and Goat Throat who proudly showed us some skin, the skin on their ballsacks. The smaht kids down-down punished anyone associated with MIT or Harvard (intelligence is NOT an STD, kids). Unlikely to Finish also drank for using a phone in circle because his "mom was worried about him." She was worried about the entire hash AFTER THEY HAD SEX WITH HER LAST NIGHT!
Just Stina has been hashing 7 times and was due for a name, so she was pulled into the circley mess. We found out that she's a lawyer, "acts" in the Rocky Horror Picture Show and lost her virginity to a guy who was a little too big. She was not named Oink the Doink, Fuck Work I'm Cumming, Prostitorney, Legal Queefs, Designaeted Clitter or Rocky's Whore. Instead, because she was tied to a bed in front of 7 people, she was named Legally Bound and Gagged!
Next up were sweat test failures NAMBLA and Sucks Hard for the $. Then the Ladies of the 80s had a down-down, along with NAMBLA and Goat Throat for some reason. Finally, the infamous condom down-down needed to be designated. Nominations included Nice Tits for getting the "easy to blow" duck call, Gay Pride for phone in circle, Unlikely to Finish for calling his mom and Jolly Green Vagina for...I honestly can't remember. The applausemeter made JGV the winner of a latex, non-lubricated beer vessel.
Announcements were made and circle was closed with "Today is Monday." The pack gradually made its way to American Hi-Fi in Central for more beer and terrible pizza.
Overheard on trail:
It took 4 games of Beirut until I could drink again. - Just Johnathon
You're reading the paper upside down. - Krusty to IEC in the Muddy Charles
And I've got a bag on my foot, so what? - IEC's response
Write that shit down on your fucking paper! - IEC
I hope you drown, let your ducks save you now. - IEC
Friends don't cum on friends bags. - 'Ed Master
You hate geese and the word vagina, what else? - Crucifux to You Oughta Blow
on-quack-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Hares: SATRAC, Bend Over Mommy, Dick Me Duck and Spunk in the Trunk (bag car)
Pack: Krusty the Meat Miser, Jolly Green Vagina, Shorn Scrotum, Peppermint Pussy, Just 'Stina, 'Edmaster, You Oughta Blow, Schindler's Fist, Goat Throat, I Eat Cum (HVH3), Just Leanne, Tequila Tony (from Seattle, pre-lube only), Crucifux, Nice Tits, Floppy Dick, High Anus, Spoonful of Semen, Gay Pride, NAMBLA, Sucks Hard for the $, Just Wells, Virgin Susanne, Just Johnathon, Virgin Joaquim (spontaneous virgin), Unlikely to Finish (spontaneous virgin)
After work on Friday, the Cumbridge hash gathered at Tommy Doyle's smack in the middle of happy hour. Hashers watched guys "buy drinks" for ladies in hopes of seeing them topless later in the evening. We all wondered why they didn't just wait for a tit check. I love the hash.
Tequila Tony, a visitor from Seattle, joined us for a BEvERage at the pre-lube but had to rush of for a business meeting or a sex-change operation, we're still not really sure. Dick Me Duck also made a frisky appearance as he gently caressed Just Stina and was tag teamed by both Stina and Peppermint Pussy (I believe there's picture evidence). The hares had been away 6.9 minutes when the pack circled for chalk talk, RA'd by Krusty. 2 virgins joined us from the bar, one of whom dubbed himself "Unlikely to Finish." Marks were typical except for the Quack Check, which results in lots of quacking and confusion. After introductions, chalk talk and a single verse of "Hey, my name is Joe" the pack was away with an innocent bystander asking I Eat Cum what was going on. IEC answered the dude with his duck call until he gave up .
Trail wound through Kendall Square, eventually bringing the pack to the classic MIT pub, the Muddy Charles. The pack had 10 PITCHERS to finish, leaving plenty of time for loud hash conversations. When informed of the ridiculous amount of beer, JGV decided he was going to "pass out in my car at Alewife, puke a few times and then go home." I Eat Cum, a visitor, was impressed to be drinking in such a smart bar. So impressed, that he wore a bag on his foot and tried reading a magazine upside down. It's likely that he's slightly retarded.
The drunk, wobbly pack was away again, this time through the tunnels of MIT, through the tennis courts and near the dog park with the cannons, not far from the BU Bridge. The pack enjoyed spiked gatorade while Nice Tits got down in the dirt to "examine" Krusty's broken "knee". Afterwards she exclaimed "I'm a dirty, dirty whore."
After the beer check, trail quickly found its way to the classiest joint in Cumbridge, the duck/homeless haven right next to the BU bridge. A large flcok of ducks were quickly scared away by overzealous hashers who may have wanted to screw them. Only I Eat Cum, using his duck call, tried to seduce them.
Krusty RA'd circle, rallying the pack with a rousing "Circle up wankers!" and a mention of the "climax" of this running of the CH3.
The hares were given comments on trail like "duckalicious", "nice tunnels" and "fuck the ducks!" They were seranaded with "You're a Shitty Hare" before their down-down of warm Coors Light (aka FUCKING WATER).
Next up were the FRB/FBI (High Anus/Just Leanne) and 'Ed Master, for wearing a racist shirt, who demonstated the Cumbridge down-down to our 3 virgins. One of the keys to the CH3 down-down is inverting your vessel because what doesn't go in you, goes on you, just like sucking cock.
The DALs were 'Ed Master and Nice Tits. Anyone who dressed for the occasion was brought in for the Ducks on Trail down-down. The virgins were summarily demented by Peppermint Pussy. Unlikely to Finish was also demented by his proxy sponsor, I Eat Cum, who was wearing a kilt. Just a kilt. We had 2 visitors in circle, I Eat Cum and Goat Throat who proudly showed us some skin, the skin on their ballsacks. The smaht kids down-down punished anyone associated with MIT or Harvard (intelligence is NOT an STD, kids). Unlikely to Finish also drank for using a phone in circle because his "mom was worried about him." She was worried about the entire hash AFTER THEY HAD SEX WITH HER LAST NIGHT!
Just Stina has been hashing 7 times and was due for a name, so she was pulled into the circley mess. We found out that she's a lawyer, "acts" in the Rocky Horror Picture Show and lost her virginity to a guy who was a little too big. She was not named Oink the Doink, Fuck Work I'm Cumming, Prostitorney, Legal Queefs, Designaeted Clitter or Rocky's Whore. Instead, because she was tied to a bed in front of 7 people, she was named Legally Bound and Gagged!
Next up were sweat test failures NAMBLA and Sucks Hard for the $. Then the Ladies of the 80s had a down-down, along with NAMBLA and Goat Throat for some reason. Finally, the infamous condom down-down needed to be designated. Nominations included Nice Tits for getting the "easy to blow" duck call, Gay Pride for phone in circle, Unlikely to Finish for calling his mom and Jolly Green Vagina for...I honestly can't remember. The applausemeter made JGV the winner of a latex, non-lubricated beer vessel.
Announcements were made and circle was closed with "Today is Monday." The pack gradually made its way to American Hi-Fi in Central for more beer and terrible pizza.
Overheard on trail:
It took 4 games of Beirut until I could drink again. - Just Johnathon
You're reading the paper upside down. - Krusty to IEC in the Muddy Charles
And I've got a bag on my foot, so what? - IEC's response
Write that shit down on your fucking paper! - IEC
I hope you drown, let your ducks save you now. - IEC
Friends don't cum on friends bags. - 'Ed Master
You hate geese and the word vagina, what else? - Crucifux to You Oughta Blow
on-quack-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Friday, July 4, 2008
CH3 Hash #12: Dick my Duck!!!
fI it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and drinks like a
duck . . it must be a hasher dressed like a duck. Come out and
celebrate the Rubber Ducky Derby Day!
When: Friday, July 11, 2008, 6:30 HST
Where: Tommy Doyle's, One Kendall Square #100, Cambridge MA
Nearest T Stop: Kendall Square, Red Line (Trail will be marked from the T)
Hares: SATRAC, Bend Over Mommy & Dick Me Duck
Dress: Your bestest waterfowl attire. Feathers. . . beaks. . .feathers . . .webbed feet. . . and a quacker.
duck . . it must be a hasher dressed like a duck. Come out and
celebrate the Rubber Ducky Derby Day!
When: Friday, July 11, 2008, 6:30 HST
Where: Tommy Doyle's, One Kendall Square #100, Cambridge MA
Nearest T Stop: Kendall Square, Red Line (Trail will be marked from the T)
Hares: SATRAC, Bend Over Mommy & Dick Me Duck
Dress: Your bestest waterfowl attire. Feathers. . . beaks. . .feathers . . .webbed feet. . . and a quacker.
On-Quack-On
SATRAC & BOM
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Hash Trash: Fri the 13th Change Your Luck Hash
Due to the lack of scribe for this hash, this recounting of the Change Your Luck Hash is guaranteed to be only 6.9% accurate.
Hare(s): Drippy Spigot, Krusty the Meat Miser, G-String (as gay bag car)
Pack: Floppy Dick, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps, Nipples Erectus, Just Stina, Beat By a Girl, Dude Where's My Virginity, SATRAC, Crucifux, General Ass Pounder, Tonya Hardon, Pubic Service Announcement, Jolly Green Vagina, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Spoonful of Semen, Just Ricki (now Clamburglar), Nice Tits (crippled, rode in bag car), Taj My Hole (Sweat Test Failure), 8 virgins and a few others, alcohol clearly prevented me from remembering the entire pack.
Thanks to Fri the 13th, the entire hash was at risk of bad luck. The only way to fight it was numerically, with 7 BEER CHECKS within 4 miles (see trail map below). Previous trails had promised a shitload of alcohol checks, so the pack may have been expecting a paltry 3 or 4 beer checks to substitute for 7. But, these hares don't fuck around.
BC#1: Shots of Lemon Drop Schnapps
BC#2: Shitty beer in a park
BC#3: Spiked Watermelon
BC#4: More shitty beer at Krusty's
BC#5: Jello shots
BC#6: Shitty beer at PSA's
BC#7: Spiked Gatorade in a park
On-in: Tonya Hardon's basement
Crucifux RA'd loudly and unprofessionally (hashlike behavior!). There were down-downs for the hares, partial nudity as evidenced by anonymous shots of bearded clam on my camera, and 8 virgin dementings. The entire pack was really drunk by this point and nobody had a beer-proof notebook handy. One down-down, however, was worth documenting.
The pack was warned early on to hold on to the red solo cups they received at the beginning of trail. Their reward at the end was beer in circle. Floppy Dick, however, lost his cup just before circle. Finally, the elusive Cumbridge down-down is caught on film...
On-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Hare(s): Drippy Spigot, Krusty the Meat Miser, G-String (as gay bag car)
Pack: Floppy Dick, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps, Nipples Erectus, Just Stina, Beat By a Girl, Dude Where's My Virginity, SATRAC, Crucifux, General Ass Pounder, Tonya Hardon, Pubic Service Announcement, Jolly Green Vagina, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Spoonful of Semen, Just Ricki (now Clamburglar), Nice Tits (crippled, rode in bag car), Taj My Hole (Sweat Test Failure), 8 virgins and a few others, alcohol clearly prevented me from remembering the entire pack.
Thanks to Fri the 13th, the entire hash was at risk of bad luck. The only way to fight it was numerically, with 7 BEER CHECKS within 4 miles (see trail map below). Previous trails had promised a shitload of alcohol checks, so the pack may have been expecting a paltry 3 or 4 beer checks to substitute for 7. But, these hares don't fuck around.
BC#2: Shitty beer in a park
BC#3: Spiked Watermelon
BC#4: More shitty beer at Krusty's
BC#5: Jello shots
BC#6: Shitty beer at PSA's
BC#7: Spiked Gatorade in a park
On-in: Tonya Hardon's basement
Crucifux RA'd loudly and unprofessionally (hashlike behavior!). There were down-downs for the hares, partial nudity as evidenced by anonymous shots of bearded clam on my camera, and 8 virgin dementings. The entire pack was really drunk by this point and nobody had a beer-proof notebook handy. One down-down, however, was worth documenting.
The pack was warned early on to hold on to the red solo cups they received at the beginning of trail. Their reward at the end was beer in circle. Floppy Dick, however, lost his cup just before circle. Finally, the elusive Cumbridge down-down is caught on film...
On-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Monday, June 9, 2008
The CH3 Fri the 13th Change Your Luck Hash!!!1!1!!
Cumbridge H3 presents...
The Fri the 13th Change Your Luck Hash-stravaganza
Friday, June 13, 2008
Start Location: The Cellar, 991 Mass Ave, Cambridge (Between Central and Harvard T stops. Trail NOT marked from T, use google maps you lazy bastards.)
Start Time: 6:30pm HST
Hash Cash: $5 (beer and shots only, no food included!)
Hares: Drippy Spigot, Krusty the Meat Miser and a mystery harriette
We all know that Friday the 13th is an unlucky day even without all the black cats crossing your path and mirrors (or condoms) breaking. To bring some good vibes to hashers and the city of Cumbridge, Drippy and I will be numerically combating bad luck. How, you ask? Why, with the lucky number seven, as in SEVEN beer/shot checks.
You'll also need your lucky cup (it'll be a red solo cup handed to you at the pre-lube). Don't lose it on trail because "if you drop your cup, you'll have bad luck." And if anyone thinks I made that up, I'm really not very clever. Just drunk. And usually half naked. Fine, completely naked. What is this, an inquisition? Anyway, less about me and more about how drunk you'll all be after SEVEN ALCOHOL CHECKS! Summer drinks and shitty beer are guaranteed!
Finally, if you missed the last Cumbridge hash, here's a picture that may convince you to show up for this one...
On second thought, ignore the picture and come to the hash to change your luck.
On-SEVENalcoholchecks-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
The Fri the 13th Change Your Luck Hash-stravaganza
Friday, June 13, 2008
Start Location: The Cellar, 991 Mass Ave, Cambridge (Between Central and Harvard T stops. Trail NOT marked from T, use google maps you lazy bastards.)
Start Time: 6:30pm HST
Hash Cash: $5 (beer and shots only, no food included!)
Hares: Drippy Spigot, Krusty the Meat Miser and a mystery harriette
We all know that Friday the 13th is an unlucky day even without all the black cats crossing your path and mirrors (or condoms) breaking. To bring some good vibes to hashers and the city of Cumbridge, Drippy and I will be numerically combating bad luck. How, you ask? Why, with the lucky number seven, as in SEVEN beer/shot checks.
You'll also need your lucky cup (it'll be a red solo cup handed to you at the pre-lube). Don't lose it on trail because "if you drop your cup, you'll have bad luck." And if anyone thinks I made that up, I'm really not very clever. Just drunk. And usually half naked. Fine, completely naked. What is this, an inquisition? Anyway, less about me and more about how drunk you'll all be after SEVEN ALCOHOL CHECKS! Summer drinks and shitty beer are guaranteed!
Finally, if you missed the last Cumbridge hash, here's a picture that may convince you to show up for this one...
On second thought, ignore the picture and come to the hash to change your luck.On-SEVENalcoholchecks-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Sunday, May 4, 2008
Hash Trash: Spring Beer Mile
This recounting of last Friday's Spring Beer Mile is in chronological order and guaranteed 69% accurate.
Hare(s): Krusty the Meat Miser, Wang Chunks
Pack: G-String, Bend Over Mommy, Corn on the Cock, You Oughta Blow, Super Teflon Dong, Sugar Plum Fairy, Just Doug, Nipples Erectus (spectator), SATRAC (spectator), Tonya Hardon (spectator)
The weather was wet and slightly cold, just like your mom. I had some doubts as to whether the 4th Cumbridge beer mile would go off until I walked into Riverside Pizza and saw 2 dedicated hashers, G-String and Bend Over Mommy. They weren't making out, primarily because BOM isn't a dude.
More hashers gathered around our table and soon we were approached by a big dude asking what sport we played and if the game was rained out? We told him about our drinking club with a running problem, but he was skeptical. A few minutes later I took out the orange cones used to "officially" mark the beer mile course. He KNEW we were on a sports team then and asked again what our deal was. I decided to be honest and enlighten this man with an explanation of the beer mile. His response was, and I quote "I may not be from the same university as you but I'm no dummy. Go fuck yourself." Being a prophet of the beer mile isn't easy.
The pack left Riverside Pizza to the calls of "bag apartment" because the bags were stashed in my kitchen on the way to Magazine Beach. The hare was away to lay a short trail to the start and stunt RA Nips led the pack in a single-verse of "Hey, My Name is Joe." Unfortunately for the dudes, the harriettes mistook the lone tit check on trail for an eyeball check, though they did scout trail.
Once at the "beach", Wang Chunks magically appeared with 2 cases of PBR and Sugar Plum Fairy magically appeared with 2 cases of his bad self. The course was laid (unlike many of the hashers) and the beer distributed. Some hashers de-clothed at that point to reduce drag. G-String tore off his usual gay running gear to reveal gayer running gear. It was a Jazz jersey, quickly renamed the jizz jersey. Then, the rules were explained, the pack was off. Krusty was the first finisher at 10:23 with You Oughta Blow coming at 12:12. There was a single boot, but it was fantastic. Bend Over Mommy refunded what appeared to be all 4 of her PBRs into the Charles immediately after finishing her last lap.
Once Just Doug finished, circle began. The down-downs went something like this...
Hares: Wang Chunks, Krusty
CH3 Virgins: Super Teflon Dong, Just Doug
FRB/FBI/Overachievers: Wang Chunks/You Oughta Blow/G-String (gay jersey)
DFLs: Just Doug, Corn on the Cock
6.9th Place: Super Teflon Dong
SMAHT Kids (went to, works at, or had sex with someone from MIT or Harvard): SATRAC, Super Teflon Dong, Wang Chunks
Now, the condom down-down was famously premiered by the man without a gag reflex, Goat Throat. It now has a permanent place in Cumbridge and is given based on stupidity. The accused were...
SATRAC - Burning down a bunch of drugs but not inhaling the fumes.
G-String - The gay jizz jersey, again.
Super Teflon Dong - Refusing G-String's offer to "yank on his penis." <-- Scribe's words!
Corn on the Cock - Falling asleep on the potty at Crossroads and waking up to a locked bar AND doing the same thing at Tonya Hardon's apartment.
The winner (and loser), by applause, was Corn on the Cock and my only regret is not having any photo evidence. Watching a hasher drink from a condom is never going to get old. Circle was then wrapped up with "Today is Monday" and the pack headed to Hi-Fi pizza and then Phoenix Landing.
Other quotes: "G-String is gay, unbelievably gay." - written by the scribe
"My ball and chain thinks I went running" - G-String
"Wait 5 minutes, then I'll be drunk enough to have sex with you." - You Oughta Blow, waiting for the beer to hit just after finishing the beer mile
"Intelligence is not an STD." - Wang Chunks reciting the Cumbridge motto
On-beermile-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Hare(s): Krusty the Meat Miser, Wang Chunks
Pack: G-String, Bend Over Mommy, Corn on the Cock, You Oughta Blow, Super Teflon Dong, Sugar Plum Fairy, Just Doug, Nipples Erectus (spectator), SATRAC (spectator), Tonya Hardon (spectator)
The weather was wet and slightly cold, just like your mom. I had some doubts as to whether the 4th Cumbridge beer mile would go off until I walked into Riverside Pizza and saw 2 dedicated hashers, G-String and Bend Over Mommy. They weren't making out, primarily because BOM isn't a dude.
More hashers gathered around our table and soon we were approached by a big dude asking what sport we played and if the game was rained out? We told him about our drinking club with a running problem, but he was skeptical. A few minutes later I took out the orange cones used to "officially" mark the beer mile course. He KNEW we were on a sports team then and asked again what our deal was. I decided to be honest and enlighten this man with an explanation of the beer mile. His response was, and I quote "I may not be from the same university as you but I'm no dummy. Go fuck yourself." Being a prophet of the beer mile isn't easy.
The pack left Riverside Pizza to the calls of "bag apartment" because the bags were stashed in my kitchen on the way to Magazine Beach. The hare was away to lay a short trail to the start and stunt RA Nips led the pack in a single-verse of "Hey, My Name is Joe." Unfortunately for the dudes, the harriettes mistook the lone tit check on trail for an eyeball check, though they did scout trail.
Once at the "beach", Wang Chunks magically appeared with 2 cases of PBR and Sugar Plum Fairy magically appeared with 2 cases of his bad self. The course was laid (unlike many of the hashers) and the beer distributed. Some hashers de-clothed at that point to reduce drag. G-String tore off his usual gay running gear to reveal gayer running gear. It was a Jazz jersey, quickly renamed the jizz jersey. Then, the rules were explained, the pack was off. Krusty was the first finisher at 10:23 with You Oughta Blow coming at 12:12. There was a single boot, but it was fantastic. Bend Over Mommy refunded what appeared to be all 4 of her PBRs into the Charles immediately after finishing her last lap.
Once Just Doug finished, circle began. The down-downs went something like this...
Hares: Wang Chunks, Krusty
CH3 Virgins: Super Teflon Dong, Just Doug
FRB/FBI/Overachievers: Wang Chunks/You Oughta Blow/G-String (gay jersey)
DFLs: Just Doug, Corn on the Cock
6.9th Place: Super Teflon Dong
SMAHT Kids (went to, works at, or had sex with someone from MIT or Harvard): SATRAC, Super Teflon Dong, Wang Chunks
Now, the condom down-down was famously premiered by the man without a gag reflex, Goat Throat. It now has a permanent place in Cumbridge and is given based on stupidity. The accused were...
SATRAC - Burning down a bunch of drugs but not inhaling the fumes.
G-String - The gay jizz jersey, again.
Super Teflon Dong - Refusing G-String's offer to "yank on his penis." <-- Scribe's words!
Corn on the Cock - Falling asleep on the potty at Crossroads and waking up to a locked bar AND doing the same thing at Tonya Hardon's apartment.
The winner (and loser), by applause, was Corn on the Cock and my only regret is not having any photo evidence. Watching a hasher drink from a condom is never going to get old. Circle was then wrapped up with "Today is Monday" and the pack headed to Hi-Fi pizza and then Phoenix Landing.
Other quotes: "G-String is gay, unbelievably gay." - written by the scribe
"My ball and chain thinks I went running" - G-String
"Wait 5 minutes, then I'll be drunk enough to have sex with you." - You Oughta Blow, waiting for the beer to hit just after finishing the beer mile
"Intelligence is not an STD." - Wang Chunks reciting the Cumbridge motto
On-beermile-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
CH3 Hash #10: The Spring BEER Mile
It's Spring, and the change of seasons brings with it yet another debaucharous Cumbridge Beer Mile. Come on out to see who's fast, who's slow and, most importantly, who boots.
A beer mile involves 4 quarter miles and 4 beers. Drink a beer, run a lap. Do it 4 times and you've completed a beer mile. Congratulations! Any vomiting results in running a penalty lap but not a penalty beer. Click here for complete rules.
Crazy on-after times in Central Square!
When: Friday, May 2nd @ 630pm HST, heading to Magazine St Beach at 700pm.
Where: Meeting @ Riverside Pizza, 305 River St, Cambridge, MA. Trail will be marked from Central Square T on the Red Line.
Hash Cash: $5 for runners and spectators, beer for all (yay!) but food not included.
Who: Dumb, dumb half-minds. That means you! And me!
On-BEERMILEANDBOOTING-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser
A beer mile involves 4 quarter miles and 4 beers. Drink a beer, run a lap. Do it 4 times and you've completed a beer mile. Congratulations! Any vomiting results in running a penalty lap but not a penalty beer. Click here for complete rules.
Crazy on-after times in Central Square!
When: Friday, May 2nd @ 630pm HST, heading to Magazine St Beach at 700pm.
Where: Meeting @ Riverside Pizza, 305 River St, Cambridge, MA. Trail will be marked from Central Square T on the Red Line.
Hash Cash: $5 for runners and spectators, beer for all (yay!) but food not included.
Who: Dumb, dumb half-minds. That means you! And me!
On-BEERMILEANDBOOTING-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Hash Trash: The Big Lebowski Hash
The Cumbridge Hash House Harriers hosted the kickoff for the Boston H3 Marathon WEEKend. Our mega-scribe DEEP Black Hole wrote up this trash of the event...
Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Hares: Shorn Scr*tum & Nice T*ts
Bag Car: Wang Chunks
Pre-Lube: Newtowne Grille
Beer Check #1: Parking Lot close to Davis Square, right off the bike path
Beer Check #2: By a sewer/makeout spot near Alewife Parking Garage
On-In: Clearing in Alewife Park Area
On-After: Lanes & Games
Distance: 3.6 Miles
Weather: 50 degrees, later a bit nipplely out
Scribe: DEEP Black Hole
The Pack:
G-String, Floppy D*ck, Snatchsquash, Patriot Missles, P*ss Stop, DEEP Black Hole, Chocolate Starfish, An*l Beads, Pub*c Service Announcement, Crucifux, Just Jim, NAMBLA, Krusty the Meat Miser, Jolly Green V*gina, Sucks Hard For The Money, Just Kelly, Goes Down On Buoys, Bisexual Bondage B*tch, Peppermint P*ssy, You Oughta Blow, Stretch P*ssy, High An*s
Late Cummers:
N*pples Erectus, Headmaster
Introduction:
This hash was called the Big Lebowski Hash, or the T-5 and counting. Yes, some of you may have heard that your dear scribe, DEEP Black Hole, is moving to Outer Space. It's true! Well, for liberal values of Outer Space. Okay, so I'm moving to Texas (for good this time). But I am sending people into space, so let's just call it even. At any rate, my personal m*rathon goal for this week is to run every single trail and write up a hash trash for every single one. We'll see how sober these hash trashes are by the end of it. :-P
Anyway, a good sized pack gathered at Newtowne Grille in Porter for the Cumbridge H3 M*arathon week(end) kick-off. Many were wearing bathrobes and bowling shirts. NAMBLA had a carpet with him, which he dutifully carried throughout the entire run. After most hashers had HUGE beers, the pack was off.
Trail:
Trail started out as a bit of a clusterf*ck, while the pack tried to figure out where trail actually went. It turned out straight, unlike G-String (see quotes section below). Trail wound past some houses, through a construction site (which was excellent), and over a somewhat hoppable fence. From there, trail eventually went past a park, where there were TWO Checkbacks. I think we ran past some projects, but I have a hard time identifying projects. From there, the pack ran through what could be best described as a tunnel with many metal butterflies decorating it inside. Some hashers were beat up by a 12-year-old boy who kept parroting "Where are you!?" by a park. Just past him was a song check by the baseball diamond of some park, where the pack sang a verse of "When the End of the Month Rolls Around", which eventually broke into Hog Calling Time.
The pack continued past another park, upon which Buoys said "I know where we are - we're near Davis." I'm glad he knew, because I had no idea. We were soon on the bike path/trail that is near Davis, but a Checkback "guided" us to a chink in the fence and a parking lot where Wang Chunk's "Extremely large and polluting truck" (to quote Krusty) was parked. The pack was served White Russians, which probably has something to do with the Big Lebowski movie, but I wouldn't know.
The pack continued on through Somerville, going through an industrial-like area, back onto the Davis Bike Trail, through to Alewife, into the T, up, down, around backwards on the stairs, into the parking garage, past those weird wooden phallic-looking benches, and by the side of the parking garage to a place that smelled like sewage. While on trail, the pack discussed if Hilliary Clinton is a Lesbian or not. Beercheck number 2 apparently interrupted two people making out behind the parking garage. The first question is, does sewage make them hot? That's interesting.
The pack delighted in some beer, as we tend to do. G-String apparently picked up a Hilliary Clinton for President sign while on trail and stuck it to his *ss. Nips showed up with her b*tch, except her b*tch is actually male (I'm talking about the dog, people). As much as the pack was enjoying the stench of the area, we continued on trail.
The third section of trail was short, going through the Alewife parkway to a Song Check by a Soccer field. Somebody said Head (Who said Head) so there was more of a chanting than anything. At this point, it was very dark but the pack ran anyway across the soccer field and into the woods, encountering pricker and another sh*t stream. Luckily, the On-In (a clearing that didn't have a sh*t stream) was close by.
Circle:
Before circle, there was a ceremonial peeing on the rug that NAMBLA carried the entire trail. Even some Harriettes took place. Luckily, nobody had to kneel on the rug after that.
Krusty was RA for the evening. The hares, Shorn Scrot*m and Nice T*ts were brought into the circle and as is the tradition of the Cumbridge Hash, they were sang the song "You're a Sh*tty Hare". Circle past that is a bit hazy, mostly because I was writing in the dark half the time, and borrowing Buoy's nerd headlamp the other half.
FBI was Crucifux and FRB was An*l Beads. Because they are overacheivers, they were asked to demonstrate a sexual position, and thus showed the pack how to do doggy-style. G-String was accused of being a Racist because of his apparel choices. Jolly Green V*gina was accused of being Dead Last. He commented "G-String left something in my trunk, and it's still there." G-String also hosted a short trail last Sunday, so he did a down-down for being a wanker.
N*ipples Erectus, Snatchsquash, and Bisexual Bondage B*tch failed sweat tests. Just Jin was declared to be a virgin again for the Cumbridge Hash, and did a pseudo-virgin down-down. From here, the following accusations occured. Names...who needs names. You know who you were. And for the rest of you, you can guess!
Smaaaat Kids down-down - all MIT kids and those who have f*cked MIT kids (this was was quite enlightening, I must say)
Ladies of the 80s (all harriettes born in the 1980s) and those who coach Ladies of the 80s (Goes Down on Buoys)
Those hashers who are leaving Boston soon and had a birthday this week (DEEP Black Hole), joined by all April Birthday Hashers
Non-Lebowski's (those who didn't dress up or carry rugs per the movie), which was most of the pack.
Gyno on Trail (Buoys, because of his headlamp). But, it turns out that Buoys FAKED his down-down by not opening his can of beer. Thus, he was forced to do a shotgun down-down. Let this all be a warning to you.
Wearing a Hilliary for President Sign on his *ss - G-String
Smacking a Hilliary for President Sign affixed to someone's *ss - Wang Chunks
All Gay Hashers (G-String, NAMBLA, Jolly Green Vagina, etc.)
Chicks who have made out with chicks. This one prompted Snatchsquash and Nice T*ts to start making out - no joke.
Backsliders - Patriot Missles, Just Jim, NAMBLA, Just Kelly
All those hashers who hadn't done down-down yet.
Terrorist Beards: Floppy D*ck, Jolly Green Vagina, Headmaster, An*l Beads, Krusty.
Have gone on a Gay Date accidentally: G-String, and others
Have experimented, either sexually or in a science-way (yay Chemistry!)
Ginger Kids! (High An*s, Krusty)
Dressing up in Millitary Attire (NAMBLA)
Short People - All the short hashers, including Sucks Hard For the Money, Peppermint P*ssy, and An*l Beads
Lebowski Dress-Ups: NAMBLA, Krusty, Crucifux, Pub*c Service Announcement
At this point, it was very nipply out, so the pack ended circle with swing low, and continued on to the On-After. Yes, if you've made it this far, there's more!
On After:
The On-After was at Lanes & Games, a bowling alley not too far from Alewife. Because everybody and their mother was bowling 10-pin, the pack got their shoes and bowled Candlepin, which isn't easy when you're tipsy. Headmaster and I had an interesting exchange with a civilian bowling at the lane next to us.
Random Guy (to Headmaster): Hey, two things. Number one - Awesome beard dude. Number two, what color is my ball? (holding up his 10-pin bowling ball)
DEEP Black Hole: I think it's Orange.
Headmaster: Yeah, Orange. Or Red.
RG (nodding & talking to friends): See?
HM: But it's still Gay.
(RG's friends burst out laughing, and RG looks downtrodden because he has a Gay ball).
Anyway, a few hashers bowled a bit. As the time was nearing midnight, a group of us took off towards the T, including me, Headmaster, NAMBLA, Sucks Hard For The Money, and Just Kelly. NAMBLA had with him a porno mag that he got from a bowling alley employee. I'm not sure if he should have touched that because probably half the bowling alley wacked off on that. Anyway, he started reading it Kindergarden-teacher storybook-style to us on the T. I think the whole car got an education on that one.
Announcements:
It's T-4 Today Folks! That means...there's another chance to go hashing! A summary of what's going on:
T-4 (Wednesday): JPH3 Hash at 6:30 HST starting from JJ Foley's Fireside Tavern, 30 Hyde Park Ave, Jamaica Plain (Forrest Hills Orange Line)
(http://maps.
google.com/ maps?q=30+ Hyde+Park+ Ave&sourceid= navclient-
ff&ie=UTF- 8&rlz=1B2GGGL_ enUS208NG208& um=1&sa=N&
tab=wl)
T-3 (Thursday): Boston Moon Hash at 6:30 HST starting from the Milky Way Bar (Orange Line to Jackson Square and follow marks down Centre St.)
Hold on the Count (Friday): Pub Crawl - go to the Marathon Page for more details (http://www.bostonhash.com/marathon08/ )
T-2 (Saturday): The Boston M*rathon Hash. Dress up like a Lady 'cause It's Ladies Night! Registration from 12-2, Pack away at 2:30. McFadden's (148 State Street). Take the Blue Line to State.
T-1 (Sunday): Hangover Hash, 11 am HST, FREE with M*rathon Registration (otherwise $10). 21 Beacon St, Boston MA, Room 10D.
Lift OFF! (T-0) (Monday): The actual M*rathon! Come out, hang out with the hash, and hand out beer to r*nners! See (http://www.bostonhash.com/marathon08/ )
Want to print all this out on paper so that way you don't have to carry your computer around with you? Go to http://www.crazyhap penings.com/ marathon. doc.
Quotes:
"You can park yourself in my driveway!" - Shorn Scr*tum
"G-String F*cked a Goat!" - G-String
"Pardon me, but could you please fondle my burrito?" - G-String
"Hey, we're Queer!" - G-String
"G-String has a Tight Butt" - Wang Chunks
"I would hump him like...severely" - Bisexual Bondage B*tch, about some mystery hasher
"I wonder what would happen to my ass if I was wearing McCain" - G-String
"G-String definitely Spits" - Krusty
"G-String is giving me another Facial tonight!" - Jolly Green Vagina
"I would get off to An*l Beads & Krusty" - Mystery Male Hasher! Guess Who!
"In Montreal, you get to touch the boobies!" - NAMBLA
Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2008
Hares: Shorn Scr*tum & Nice T*ts
Bag Car: Wang Chunks
Pre-Lube: Newtowne Grille
Beer Check #1: Parking Lot close to Davis Square, right off the bike path
Beer Check #2: By a sewer/makeout spot near Alewife Parking Garage
On-In: Clearing in Alewife Park Area
On-After: Lanes & Games
Distance: 3.6 Miles
Weather: 50 degrees, later a bit nipplely out
Scribe: DEEP Black Hole
The Pack:
G-String, Floppy D*ck, Snatchsquash, Patriot Missles, P*ss Stop, DEEP Black Hole, Chocolate Starfish, An*l Beads, Pub*c Service Announcement, Crucifux, Just Jim, NAMBLA, Krusty the Meat Miser, Jolly Green V*gina, Sucks Hard For The Money, Just Kelly, Goes Down On Buoys, Bisexual Bondage B*tch, Peppermint P*ssy, You Oughta Blow, Stretch P*ssy, High An*s
Late Cummers:
N*pples Erectus, Headmaster
Introduction:
This hash was called the Big Lebowski Hash, or the T-5 and counting. Yes, some of you may have heard that your dear scribe, DEEP Black Hole, is moving to Outer Space. It's true! Well, for liberal values of Outer Space. Okay, so I'm moving to Texas (for good this time). But I am sending people into space, so let's just call it even. At any rate, my personal m*rathon goal for this week is to run every single trail and write up a hash trash for every single one. We'll see how sober these hash trashes are by the end of it. :-P
Anyway, a good sized pack gathered at Newtowne Grille in Porter for the Cumbridge H3 M*arathon week(end) kick-off. Many were wearing bathrobes and bowling shirts. NAMBLA had a carpet with him, which he dutifully carried throughout the entire run. After most hashers had HUGE beers, the pack was off.
Trail:
Trail started out as a bit of a clusterf*ck, while the pack tried to figure out where trail actually went. It turned out straight, unlike G-String (see quotes section below). Trail wound past some houses, through a construction site (which was excellent), and over a somewhat hoppable fence. From there, trail eventually went past a park, where there were TWO Checkbacks. I think we ran past some projects, but I have a hard time identifying projects. From there, the pack ran through what could be best described as a tunnel with many metal butterflies decorating it inside. Some hashers were beat up by a 12-year-old boy who kept parroting "Where are you!?" by a park. Just past him was a song check by the baseball diamond of some park, where the pack sang a verse of "When the End of the Month Rolls Around", which eventually broke into Hog Calling Time.
The pack continued past another park, upon which Buoys said "I know where we are - we're near Davis." I'm glad he knew, because I had no idea. We were soon on the bike path/trail that is near Davis, but a Checkback "guided" us to a chink in the fence and a parking lot where Wang Chunk's "Extremely large and polluting truck" (to quote Krusty) was parked. The pack was served White Russians, which probably has something to do with the Big Lebowski movie, but I wouldn't know.
The pack continued on through Somerville, going through an industrial-like area, back onto the Davis Bike Trail, through to Alewife, into the T, up, down, around backwards on the stairs, into the parking garage, past those weird wooden phallic-looking benches, and by the side of the parking garage to a place that smelled like sewage. While on trail, the pack discussed if Hilliary Clinton is a Lesbian or not. Beercheck number 2 apparently interrupted two people making out behind the parking garage. The first question is, does sewage make them hot? That's interesting.
The pack delighted in some beer, as we tend to do. G-String apparently picked up a Hilliary Clinton for President sign while on trail and stuck it to his *ss. Nips showed up with her b*tch, except her b*tch is actually male (I'm talking about the dog, people). As much as the pack was enjoying the stench of the area, we continued on trail.
The third section of trail was short, going through the Alewife parkway to a Song Check by a Soccer field. Somebody said Head (Who said Head) so there was more of a chanting than anything. At this point, it was very dark but the pack ran anyway across the soccer field and into the woods, encountering pricker and another sh*t stream. Luckily, the On-In (a clearing that didn't have a sh*t stream) was close by.
Circle:
Before circle, there was a ceremonial peeing on the rug that NAMBLA carried the entire trail. Even some Harriettes took place. Luckily, nobody had to kneel on the rug after that.
Krusty was RA for the evening. The hares, Shorn Scrot*m and Nice T*ts were brought into the circle and as is the tradition of the Cumbridge Hash, they were sang the song "You're a Sh*tty Hare". Circle past that is a bit hazy, mostly because I was writing in the dark half the time, and borrowing Buoy's nerd headlamp the other half.
FBI was Crucifux and FRB was An*l Beads. Because they are overacheivers, they were asked to demonstrate a sexual position, and thus showed the pack how to do doggy-style. G-String was accused of being a Racist because of his apparel choices. Jolly Green V*gina was accused of being Dead Last. He commented "G-String left something in my trunk, and it's still there." G-String also hosted a short trail last Sunday, so he did a down-down for being a wanker.
N*ipples Erectus, Snatchsquash, and Bisexual Bondage B*tch failed sweat tests. Just Jin was declared to be a virgin again for the Cumbridge Hash, and did a pseudo-virgin down-down. From here, the following accusations occured. Names...who needs names. You know who you were. And for the rest of you, you can guess!
Smaaaat Kids down-down - all MIT kids and those who have f*cked MIT kids (this was was quite enlightening, I must say)
Ladies of the 80s (all harriettes born in the 1980s) and those who coach Ladies of the 80s (Goes Down on Buoys)
Those hashers who are leaving Boston soon and had a birthday this week (DEEP Black Hole), joined by all April Birthday Hashers
Non-Lebowski's (those who didn't dress up or carry rugs per the movie), which was most of the pack.
Gyno on Trail (Buoys, because of his headlamp). But, it turns out that Buoys FAKED his down-down by not opening his can of beer. Thus, he was forced to do a shotgun down-down. Let this all be a warning to you.
Wearing a Hilliary for President Sign on his *ss - G-String
Smacking a Hilliary for President Sign affixed to someone's *ss - Wang Chunks
All Gay Hashers (G-String, NAMBLA, Jolly Green Vagina, etc.)
Chicks who have made out with chicks. This one prompted Snatchsquash and Nice T*ts to start making out - no joke.
Backsliders - Patriot Missles, Just Jim, NAMBLA, Just Kelly
All those hashers who hadn't done down-down yet.
Terrorist Beards: Floppy D*ck, Jolly Green Vagina, Headmaster, An*l Beads, Krusty.
Have gone on a Gay Date accidentally: G-String, and others
Have experimented, either sexually or in a science-way (yay Chemistry!)
Ginger Kids! (High An*s, Krusty)
Dressing up in Millitary Attire (NAMBLA)
Short People - All the short hashers, including Sucks Hard For the Money, Peppermint P*ssy, and An*l Beads
Lebowski Dress-Ups: NAMBLA, Krusty, Crucifux, Pub*c Service Announcement
At this point, it was very nipply out, so the pack ended circle with swing low, and continued on to the On-After. Yes, if you've made it this far, there's more!
On After:
The On-After was at Lanes & Games, a bowling alley not too far from Alewife. Because everybody and their mother was bowling 10-pin, the pack got their shoes and bowled Candlepin, which isn't easy when you're tipsy. Headmaster and I had an interesting exchange with a civilian bowling at the lane next to us.
Random Guy (to Headmaster): Hey, two things. Number one - Awesome beard dude. Number two, what color is my ball? (holding up his 10-pin bowling ball)
DEEP Black Hole: I think it's Orange.
Headmaster: Yeah, Orange. Or Red.
RG (nodding & talking to friends): See?
HM: But it's still Gay.
(RG's friends burst out laughing, and RG looks downtrodden because he has a Gay ball).
Anyway, a few hashers bowled a bit. As the time was nearing midnight, a group of us took off towards the T, including me, Headmaster, NAMBLA, Sucks Hard For The Money, and Just Kelly. NAMBLA had with him a porno mag that he got from a bowling alley employee. I'm not sure if he should have touched that because probably half the bowling alley wacked off on that. Anyway, he started reading it Kindergarden-teacher storybook-style to us on the T. I think the whole car got an education on that one.
Announcements:
It's T-4 Today Folks! That means...there's another chance to go hashing! A summary of what's going on:
T-4 (Wednesday): JPH3 Hash at 6:30 HST starting from JJ Foley's Fireside Tavern, 30 Hyde Park Ave, Jamaica Plain (Forrest Hills Orange Line)
(http://maps.
google.com/ maps?q=30+ Hyde+Park+ Ave&sourceid= navclient-
ff&ie=UTF- 8&rlz=1B2GGGL_ enUS208NG208& um=1&sa=N&
tab=wl)
T-3 (Thursday): Boston Moon Hash at 6:30 HST starting from the Milky Way Bar (Orange Line to Jackson Square and follow marks down Centre St.)
Hold on the Count (Friday): Pub Crawl - go to the Marathon Page for more details (http://www.bostonhash.com
T-2 (Saturday): The Boston M*rathon Hash. Dress up like a Lady 'cause It's Ladies Night! Registration from 12-2, Pack away at 2:30. McFadden's (148 State Street). Take the Blue Line to State.
T-1 (Sunday): Hangover Hash, 11 am HST, FREE with M*rathon Registration (otherwise $10). 21 Beacon St, Boston MA, Room 10D.
Lift OFF! (T-0) (Monday): The actual M*rathon! Come out, hang out with the hash, and hand out beer to r*nners! See (http://www.bostonhash.com
Want to print all this out on paper so that way you don't have to carry your computer around with you? Go to http://www.crazyhap penings.com/ marathon. doc.
Quotes:
"You can park yourself in my driveway!" - Shorn Scr*tum
"G-String F*cked a Goat!" - G-String
"Pardon me, but could you please fondle my burrito?" - G-String
"Hey, we're Queer!" - G-String
"G-String has a Tight Butt" - Wang Chunks
"I would hump him like...severely" - Bisexual Bondage B*tch, about some mystery hasher
"I wonder what would happen to my ass if I was wearing McCain" - G-String
"G-String definitely Spits" - Krusty
"G-String is giving me another Facial tonight!" - Jolly Green Vagina
"I would get off to An*l Beads & Krusty" - Mystery Male Hasher! Guess Who!
"In Montreal, you get to touch the boobies!" - NAMBLA
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Hash Trash: Rock Band Hash-stravaganza
This recounting of the Rock Band Hash-stravaganza is mostly a pictorial study as the scribe was laying trail while most of you wankers were doing and saying stupid shit.
Hare(s): Wang Chunks, Krusty the Meat Miser
Bag Car: Nice Tits, Just Jinn
Pack: Goat Throat, Bend Over Mommy, High Anus, Drippy Spigot, Crucifux, Wooden Eye Fuck Her In The Ass, 1-900-CUM-4KIX, Save a Tree Ride a Cowboy, Nipples Erectus, Piss Stop, Ken Doll, European Whore, Shorn Scrotum, Peppermint Pussy, Stretch Pussy, Dude Where's My Virginity, Catheter the Great, G-String, Goes Down on Buoys, The Sound, The Furry, Just Katie, Virgin 'stina, Virgin Anthony, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps (Seacoast H3), Catcher in the Thighs (visitor)
Late Cummers: Taj My Hole, Sugar Plum Fairy, Snatchsquatch, DEEP Black Hole
Hi-Fi in Central is known for cardboard pizza slices that taste great when you're hammered at 3am. Aside from that, it serves beer and was the launching point for the Rock Band Hash on Friday, Mar 14th. Trail began across Mass Ave and quickly went into Central Square, only to wind south down Brookline Ave to a healthy checkback. It brought the pack through a dog park, with several mounted cannons. Though an ideal place for a shotgun check, the hares opted to have the pack work a bit harder for lukewarm cans of Natural Ice.
Trail then circled around the MIT athletic fields and eventually on them towards the track. This is where the hares had the pleasure of watching a confused pack from the top of a parking garage across the street. Eventually, trail was found across the street and over the railroad tracks to a check. The pack ran parallel to the tracks and proceeded to run RIGHT BY the next mark on some stairs. The stairs led to a footbridge, which High Anus found using his Rock-Star-sense. The pack trickled in, thirsty for their cans of Miller High Life and Natural Ice.
The Beer Check...
Yup, he's one of the guys responsible for trail.
And he accidentally went on a gay date once.
Performing "cannilingus". Anyone have the number for rehab?
After much merriment at the garage, trail went through some interesting buildings and other parts of the MIT campus. It led to a Jack Daniels check (unofficially endorsed by Slash!) in an amphitheater. From there, the pack was led to Kendall Square and the entrance to MIT's underground tunnels. The pack gave the hares a scare by nearly snaring us at the end of the tunnels but we managed to get our urine-soaked shorts to the on-in, the Thirsty Ear just before the pack.
Circle was held in the loud, crowded bar. I'll be honest, I was drunk and don't remember much and nothing was recorded because the Cumbridge H3 is illiterate. So, instead, the story of circle will be told in pictures...
The virgins and on-trail rock stars give their best rock star poses
G-String gifts Krusty with his namesake...see any resemblance in the hair?
Hare(s): Wang Chunks, Krusty the Meat Miser
Bag Car: Nice Tits, Just Jinn
Pack: Goat Throat, Bend Over Mommy, High Anus, Drippy Spigot, Crucifux, Wooden Eye Fuck Her In The Ass, 1-900-CUM-4KIX, Save a Tree Ride a Cowboy, Nipples Erectus, Piss Stop, Ken Doll, European Whore, Shorn Scrotum, Peppermint Pussy, Stretch Pussy, Dude Where's My Virginity, Catheter the Great, G-String, Goes Down on Buoys, The Sound, The Furry, Just Katie, Virgin 'stina, Virgin Anthony, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps (Seacoast H3), Catcher in the Thighs (visitor)
Late Cummers: Taj My Hole, Sugar Plum Fairy, Snatchsquatch, DEEP Black Hole
Hi-Fi in Central is known for cardboard pizza slices that taste great when you're hammered at 3am. Aside from that, it serves beer and was the launching point for the Rock Band Hash on Friday, Mar 14th. Trail began across Mass Ave and quickly went into Central Square, only to wind south down Brookline Ave to a healthy checkback. It brought the pack through a dog park, with several mounted cannons. Though an ideal place for a shotgun check, the hares opted to have the pack work a bit harder for lukewarm cans of Natural Ice.
Trail then circled around the MIT athletic fields and eventually on them towards the track. This is where the hares had the pleasure of watching a confused pack from the top of a parking garage across the street. Eventually, trail was found across the street and over the railroad tracks to a check. The pack ran parallel to the tracks and proceeded to run RIGHT BY the next mark on some stairs. The stairs led to a footbridge, which High Anus found using his Rock-Star-sense. The pack trickled in, thirsty for their cans of Miller High Life and Natural Ice.
The Beer Check...
Yup, he's one of the guys responsible for trail.
And he accidentally went on a gay date once.
Performing "cannilingus". Anyone have the number for rehab?After much merriment at the garage, trail went through some interesting buildings and other parts of the MIT campus. It led to a Jack Daniels check (unofficially endorsed by Slash!) in an amphitheater. From there, the pack was led to Kendall Square and the entrance to MIT's underground tunnels. The pack gave the hares a scare by nearly snaring us at the end of the tunnels but we managed to get our urine-soaked shorts to the on-in, the Thirsty Ear just before the pack.
Circle was held in the loud, crowded bar. I'll be honest, I was drunk and don't remember much and nothing was recorded because the Cumbridge H3 is illiterate. So, instead, the story of circle will be told in pictures...
The virgins and on-trail rock stars give their best rock star poses
G-String gifts Krusty with his namesake...see any resemblance in the hair?The final down-down is now notorious in the circles of both the Cumbridge and Boston hashes. It's the newest CH3 sensation, the "Your Daddy Should've Worn a Rubber" down-down. From now on, at every CH3 hash, nominations will be taken and whoever has done the most galactically stupid thing will drink from a condom. Goat Throat earned this one by wearing a canadian tuxedo (jeans+jean jacket) and a Molson Canadian biking shirt. He also earned it because we know he'll do just about anything. In this case, that meant drinking beer out of a condom...
The condom is loaded.
Help with the down-down.
Savoring the taste.
The condom is loaded.
Help with the down-down.
Savoring the taste.So, anyone who's done something stupid, ask Goat Throat for some advice on how to get that taste out of your mouth.
Oh, we also played a bunch of Rock Band at the Thirsty Ear.
The next Cumbridge hash will be on Tue, Apr 15th, kicking off a week's worth of hashing, leading up to the Boston H3 Marathon Hash! Click here to register for the Boston H3 Marathon Weekend Hash.
Oh, we also played a bunch of Rock Band at the Thirsty Ear.
The next Cumbridge hash will be on Tue, Apr 15th, kicking off a week's worth of hashing, leading up to the Boston H3 Marathon Hash! Click here to register for the Boston H3 Marathon Weekend Hash.
Wednesday, March 5, 2008
CH3 Hash #8: Rock Band Hash-stravaganza
(FAIR WARNING: Do not click on asterisked* links if you might get fired for doing so.)
Cumbridge H3 presents...
"These Go To Eleven" Rock Band Hash-stravaganza
Friday, March 14, 2008
Start Location: Hi-Fi Pizza and Giant Sub, 496 Mass Ave, Cambridge (Central Square T stop)
Start Time: 6:30pm HST
Hash Cash: $15 (and worth every penny!)
Hares: Krusty the Meat Miser and Wang Chunks
<>Please RSVP to meatmiser@gmail.com if you think you're cumming<>
(Almost) fresh off the heels of the wildly successful ROCKSTAR Trust Me hash, the CH3 wants you to reprise the role of your inner rock star and join the band! You heard me right--the on-in will feature a full-fledged Rock Band rig. Everyone will able to form bands and rock out to their hearts' content! And we'll need EVERYONE'S (booze-enhanced) talent--drummers, guitarists, bassists, and vocalists! Hell, there will even be a CH3-branded keg to keep you from getting too nervous on stage! All rock stars will be fed home-cooked hot meal (not to be confused with a hot lunch*), and will receive personalized back-stage passes (aka: tags) to commemorate the experience! And all of the above is just at the on-in!
In logic-defying fashion, the trail promises to deliver parts of the people's republic that many of you wankers have never seen--complete with a rock-star shotgunning check and a shot of liquid courage check!
If you've never played Rock Band before--don't worry! Beginners and experts alike can individually set their level of difficulty, so everyone in the band--regardless of experience--can have a blast playing along!
Rock Star dress is highly encouraged, and can include, but is not limited to:
* New piercings / tattoos
* Pink/blue/green hair
* Anything you've ever seen Krusty the Meat Miser wearing
IMPORTANT NOTE:
Kindly let the hares know if you're planning to cum (send an email to meatmiser@gmail.com). Thanks to a little creative license with the help of an ecard*, "These [personalized name tags/home-cooked foods/kegs of beer/etc.] aren't going to lick themselves." Err... I mean... If you let us know in advance that you're cumming, we'll make sure to have enough beer/food/backstage passes/rockband for all! No payment necessary until the day of the hash... a "who's cumming" will be posted shortly--stay tuned!
Cumbridge H3 presents...
"These Go To Eleven" Rock Band Hash-stravaganza
Friday, March 14, 2008
Start Location: Hi-Fi Pizza and Giant Sub, 496 Mass Ave, Cambridge (Central Square T stop)
Start Time: 6:30pm HST
Hash Cash: $15 (and worth every penny!)
Hares: Krusty the Meat Miser and Wang Chunks
<>Please RSVP to meatmiser@gmail.com if you think you're cumming<>
(Almost) fresh off the heels of the wildly successful ROCKSTAR Trust Me hash, the CH3 wants you to reprise the role of your inner rock star and join the band! You heard me right--the on-in will feature a full-fledged Rock Band rig. Everyone will able to form bands and rock out to their hearts' content! And we'll need EVERYONE'S (booze-enhanced) talent--drummers, guitarists, bassists, and vocalists! Hell, there will even be a CH3-branded keg to keep you from getting too nervous on stage! All rock stars will be fed home-cooked hot meal (not to be confused with a hot lunch*), and will receive personalized back-stage passes (aka: tags) to commemorate the experience! And all of the above is just at the on-in!
In logic-defying fashion, the trail promises to deliver parts of the people's republic that many of you wankers have never seen--complete with a rock-star shotgunning check and a shot of liquid courage check!
If you've never played Rock Band before--don't worry! Beginners and experts alike can individually set their level of difficulty, so everyone in the band--regardless of experience--can have a blast playing along!
Rock Star dress is highly encouraged, and can include, but is not limited to:
* New piercings / tattoos
* Pink/blue/green hair
* Anything you've ever seen Krusty the Meat Miser wearing
IMPORTANT NOTE:
Kindly let the hares know if you're planning to cum (send an email to meatmiser@gmail.com). Thanks to a little creative license with the help of an ecard*, "These [personalized name tags/home-cooked foods/kegs of beer/etc.] aren't going to lick themselves." Err... I mean... If you let us know in advance that you're cumming, we'll make sure to have enough beer/food/backstage passes/rockband for all! No payment necessary until the day of the hash... a "who's cumming" will be posted shortly--stay tuned!
Monday, February 11, 2008
Hash Trash: Winter Beer Mile
This recounting of last Friday's Winter Beer Mile is in chronological order and guaranteed 69% accurate as the scribe/RA showed up late and didn't actually run.
Hare(s): Wang Chunks, Krusty the Meat Miser
Pack: Goat Throat, 'Ed Master, Sticks it to the Bros, You Oughta Blow, Nice T!ts, Wooden Eye F*ckerinthass, Jolly Green Vagina, Crucifux, Shorn Scrotum, SATRAC, Nipplus Erectus, Bleeps, Sweeps and Creeeps (Seacoast H3), Scooby Do Me (CCH3), I Eat Cum (HVH3), Jimmy Crackwhore (HVH3), Foreskin (a bunch of hashes)
The pack gathered for a pre-mile pint at the Powderhouse Pub in Somerville. The smart ones kept their stomachs empty but the true hashers lined their stomachs with alcohol early. Wang Chunks was the first one there, turning tricks for hash cash and using it buy cases of premium beer like Milwaukee's Best and PBR. Both Jolly Green Vagina and I Eat Cum had worn skid-marked tighty-whities outside their windpants in order to combat crotch cold and to "look distinguished" on the track. Later, Crucifux professed her attraction to Nice T!ts and the two proceeded to make out. Discussions of mutual fingerblasting were then broken up by cries of "on out", as someone is very, very stupid.
(Note: These events may not have actually happened, as the scribe missed the pre-lube due to complications during a sex change operation.)
Arriving at the track, the silhouettes of overachievers could be seen doing wind sprints from the starting line of the event. Most would later vomit and all would later drink for such blatantly racist behavior. The rules of the beer mile were explained for the benefit of the virgins at the event (beer, 1/4 mile, repeat 3 more times, booting = run extra lap), the beer mile began and chugging ensued. Well, more accurately, some chugging and A LOT of sipping ensued. Goat Throat proved, once again, that his gag reflex doesn't exist. I Eat Cum, Sticks it to the Bros and 'Ed Master followed close behind. Everyone else was drinking with pinky daintily extended, like a teetotaler. Eventually more empty aluminum cans fell to the track.
After the beer had settled, Goat Throat blew the competition. Away with a time of 7:40. You Oughta Blow led the field of harriettes with a time of 11:56. To see full results head to beermile.com and type "cumbridge" into the race search engine. There was some magnificent booting/alcohol abuse by I Eat Cum and Jimmy Crackwhore.
Back at the Powderhouse Pub, circle was led by dashingly handsome RA, Krusty the Meat Miser. Being the "hare", Wang Chunks demonstrated a Cumbridge down-down after being told to "get on your knees, bitch!" Next up were the over (the 6) and under (the 9) achievers, the FRB (Goat Throat), FBI (You Oughta Blow) and DAL (Jimmy Crackwhore). There was a special down-down for 6.9th place of the 6.9th running of the Cumbridge hash (Nice T!ts). Next up were the wind sprint violators and other racists (I Eat Cum, Sticks it to the Bros, Jimmy Crackwhore, Goat Throat, You Oughta Blow for a track shirt). Then the visitors (I Eat Cum, Jimmy Crackwhore, Foreskin, Bleeps), who sang us a song about a mouse or the ballgame or maybe something about 2 tickets to paradise. The sweatless among us drank for their mooching of beer from the running, thirsty masses (Krusty, SATRAC, Nipples, Bleeps, Foreskin, Wang). The special "Smaht Kids" down-down was next, for anyone associated with MIT, Harvard or Tufts or anyone who had sex with someone from those universities (almost everyone). Intelligence is NOT an STD, by the way. Crucifux then complained via squeaking noises that Sticks it to the Bros was molesting her with his finger so he proceeded to do a Catholic priest down-down WITH HEADGEAR IN CIRCLE. Another one for Bros. Scooby Do Me's shoes were clearly 9.69% new. He couldn't decide which one to take off, so removed both and drank from both.
There were several other accusations that I failed to remember but circle was closed with a rendition of "Today is Monday." The hash was then led in a rousing version of "I Used to Work in Chicago" by Foreskin. The hash then headed (who said...?) to Redbones for a drink or two to settle their stomachs.
On-beermile-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Cumbridge RA Emeritus
"Cum Loud"
Hare(s): Wang Chunks, Krusty the Meat Miser
Pack: Goat Throat, 'Ed Master, Sticks it to the Bros, You Oughta Blow, Nice T!ts, Wooden Eye F*ckerinthass, Jolly Green Vagina, Crucifux, Shorn Scrotum, SATRAC, Nipplus Erectus, Bleeps, Sweeps and Creeeps (Seacoast H3), Scooby Do Me (CCH3), I Eat Cum (HVH3), Jimmy Crackwhore (HVH3), Foreskin (a bunch of hashes)
The pack gathered for a pre-mile pint at the Powderhouse Pub in Somerville. The smart ones kept their stomachs empty but the true hashers lined their stomachs with alcohol early. Wang Chunks was the first one there, turning tricks for hash cash and using it buy cases of premium beer like Milwaukee's Best and PBR. Both Jolly Green Vagina and I Eat Cum had worn skid-marked tighty-whities outside their windpants in order to combat crotch cold and to "look distinguished" on the track. Later, Crucifux professed her attraction to Nice T!ts and the two proceeded to make out. Discussions of mutual fingerblasting were then broken up by cries of "on out", as someone is very, very stupid.
(Note: These events may not have actually happened, as the scribe missed the pre-lube due to complications during a sex change operation.)
Arriving at the track, the silhouettes of overachievers could be seen doing wind sprints from the starting line of the event. Most would later vomit and all would later drink for such blatantly racist behavior. The rules of the beer mile were explained for the benefit of the virgins at the event (beer, 1/4 mile, repeat 3 more times, booting = run extra lap), the beer mile began and chugging ensued. Well, more accurately, some chugging and A LOT of sipping ensued. Goat Throat proved, once again, that his gag reflex doesn't exist. I Eat Cum, Sticks it to the Bros and 'Ed Master followed close behind. Everyone else was drinking with pinky daintily extended, like a teetotaler. Eventually more empty aluminum cans fell to the track.
After the beer had settled, Goat Throat blew the competition. Away with a time of 7:40. You Oughta Blow led the field of harriettes with a time of 11:56. To see full results head to beermile.com and type "cumbridge" into the race search engine. There was some magnificent booting/alcohol abuse by I Eat Cum and Jimmy Crackwhore.
Back at the Powderhouse Pub, circle was led by dashingly handsome RA, Krusty the Meat Miser. Being the "hare", Wang Chunks demonstrated a Cumbridge down-down after being told to "get on your knees, bitch!" Next up were the over (the 6) and under (the 9) achievers, the FRB (Goat Throat), FBI (You Oughta Blow) and DAL (Jimmy Crackwhore). There was a special down-down for 6.9th place of the 6.9th running of the Cumbridge hash (Nice T!ts). Next up were the wind sprint violators and other racists (I Eat Cum, Sticks it to the Bros, Jimmy Crackwhore, Goat Throat, You Oughta Blow for a track shirt). Then the visitors (I Eat Cum, Jimmy Crackwhore, Foreskin, Bleeps), who sang us a song about a mouse or the ballgame or maybe something about 2 tickets to paradise. The sweatless among us drank for their mooching of beer from the running, thirsty masses (Krusty, SATRAC, Nipples, Bleeps, Foreskin, Wang). The special "Smaht Kids" down-down was next, for anyone associated with MIT, Harvard or Tufts or anyone who had sex with someone from those universities (almost everyone). Intelligence is NOT an STD, by the way. Crucifux then complained via squeaking noises that Sticks it to the Bros was molesting her with his finger so he proceeded to do a Catholic priest down-down WITH HEADGEAR IN CIRCLE. Another one for Bros. Scooby Do Me's shoes were clearly 9.69% new. He couldn't decide which one to take off, so removed both and drank from both.
There were several other accusations that I failed to remember but circle was closed with a rendition of "Today is Monday." The hash was then led in a rousing version of "I Used to Work in Chicago" by Foreskin. The hash then headed (who said...?) to Redbones for a drink or two to settle their stomachs.
On-beermile-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Cumbridge RA Emeritus
"Cum Loud"
Tuesday, February 5, 2008
CH3 Run #6.9: The Winter BEER Mile!
Due to the unseasonably warm weather and the seasonably cheap cost of PBR, the Cumbridge Hash House Harriers present their Winter Beer Mile on the SECOND FRIDAY of February.
A beer mile involves 4 quarter miles and 4 beers. Drink a beer, run a lap. Do it 4 times and you've completed a beer mile. Congratulations! Any vomiting results in running a penalty lap but not a penalty beer. Click here for complete rules.
Come out to see who boots! Who doesn't! See if Goat Throat, the man without a gag reflex, will be there defending his title! See if Wang Chunks runs in jeans again! See who's flirting with the male bartender after the beer mile (God, please let it be SPF)!
Hope to see you there. Details below...
When: Friday, Feb 8th @ 6pm HST, heading to the Tufts track at 645pm. Due to time constraints, no late entries once the beer mile starts.
Where: Meeting @ Powderhouse Pub, 682 Broadway, Somerville, MA.
Hash Cash: $5 for runners and spectators, beer for all (yay!) but food not included.
Who: Dumb, dumb half-minds. That means you! And me!
On-BEERMILEBEERMILEBEERMILEBEERMILEBEERMILE-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser
A beer mile involves 4 quarter miles and 4 beers. Drink a beer, run a lap. Do it 4 times and you've completed a beer mile. Congratulations! Any vomiting results in running a penalty lap but not a penalty beer. Click here for complete rules.
Come out to see who boots! Who doesn't! See if Goat Throat, the man without a gag reflex, will be there defending his title! See if Wang Chunks runs in jeans again! See who's flirting with the male bartender after the beer mile (God, please let it be SPF)!
Hope to see you there. Details below...
When: Friday, Feb 8th @ 6pm HST, heading to the Tufts track at 645pm. Due to time constraints, no late entries once the beer mile starts.
Where: Meeting @ Powderhouse Pub, 682 Broadway, Somerville, MA.
Hash Cash: $5 for runners and spectators, beer for all (yay!) but food not included.
Who: Dumb, dumb half-minds. That means you! And me!
On-BEERMILEBEERMILEBEERMILEBEERMILEBEERMILE-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Monday, January 21, 2008
The Rock Star Trust-Me Hash Recap
Thanks to all the Rock Stars who came out to the hash on Friday. Stay tuned for more Cumbridge events, as run #6.9 is just around the corner. In the meantime, check out this trash of last Friday's shenanigans as written by on-the-fly scribe, Wang Chunks...
=====
=====
What: The 6th Running of the Cumbridge H3 - The ROCK STAR Trust Me Hash
When: Friday, January 18th, 2008
Hares: Krusty the Meat Miser and Nice Tits
Pack: SATRAC, Wang Chunks, Goat Throat, Bend Over Mommy, Shorn Scrotum, Deep Black Hole, Snatchsquatch (on-after), C*m Titty (SH3), Nappy Headed Sew Ho (SH3), Peppermint Pussy, Tanya Hard-On, G-String, Patriot Missiles, Taj My Hole, Goes Down on Buoys (on-after), Catheter the Great, High Anus, Beat By A Girl, Schindler's Fist, Dude, Where's My Virginity, I Eat C*m (HVH3), Jimmy Crackwhore (HVH3), Cums Alone, 'Ed Master, Virgin Carrick, Virgin Prefontaine, Rugby Virgin #3, Virgin Josh
The pack began to trickle into the pre-lube at People's Republik around six o'clock. The typical Cumbridge pack has been about fifteen wankers, but since the hares quintupled hash cash for this trail, a much larger pack understandably showed up--they came from many exotic locales, including Somerville and Jamaica Plain and Brighton! Where they all came at the end of the night, however, is not intended to be shared in such a public forum! We were also graced with the presence of our neighbors to the north (the Seacoast hash) and to the west (Happy Valley). Breaking with local hash tradition--and owing to the super-secret ROCK STAR nature of this trust me hash--the hares more-or-less left on time. Wang Chunks instructed the pack--including four extremely enthusiastic male virgins who were recently voted off a Village People reality show--with a crappy chalk talk and an even crappier rendition of Father Birmingham before sending the half-minds off to follow trail through the streets of Cumbridge and (yikes!) the other side of the river!!
Trail twisted and turned through Cambridgeport before crossing into Allston and continuing by a large concentration of @ssholes in and around the Harvard Business School. Following trail both on and off-road--and sometimes not following trail at all--the pack marched through a field and was greeted to a warm beer check... fortunately for everyone, it was a warm "beer check", and not a "warm beer" check. The pack assembled inside the Bus Stop Pub where the hares kept the pitchers of sh!tty beer flowing and the locals confused by our customary shenanigans.
On out from the warm "beer check" the pack middled about Allston until stumbling upon the shot check in the middle of a few streets. C*m Titty took a few minutes to hit on the local middle school boys who were trying to score some free booze from us--it didn't work... they didn't have hash cash--and NO ONE RIDES FOR FREE! Along the way on trail, we ran across some refreshing marks: song checks (which I'm sure were fun--despite my forgetting what was sung), tit checks (Bend Over Mommy and Schindler's Fist took the easy way out--consequently, the boys had to scout trail), and the oh-so considerate BVFC (be very f*cking careful) for crossing busy streets and icy patches.
Trail eventually crossed back into the hallowed grounds of Cumbridge where we on-in'd at Krusty's place. The pack circled up and was treated to a melange of RA-ness in which various portions were "led" by Krusty, Wang, and CT. The virgins, it turns out, were ruggers... which means they knew more hash songs than the typical Cumbridge hasher. Moreover, one of the virgins was cross-dressed for the entirety of trail, complete with denim mini-skirt and fake boobs in a bra (Editor's note: The Cumbridge H3 does not discriminate against fake boobs.) Another virgin sported a timeless classic of a handlebar 'stache, and reminded many a hasher of Prefontaine. (Who the hell is old enough to remember Prefontaine? The dude died in 1975. He was, however, a r*nner and a drinker.) A certain highlight (or lowlight?) of circle occured when Virgin Prefontaine and Nice Tits demonstrated the Rusty Trombone. With a little luck, we'll have an encore performance at a future CH3 trail! Incidentally, there was also talk of Supermanning that Ho at the beer check, but no formal demonstration was made in circle.
The hares prepared a nice, home-cooked meal of baked pasta and some bangers. Quite literally, dinner was a bit of a sausagefest. After dinner, Krusty's bedroom was transformed into the impromptu naked room, where harriers and harriettes hurriedly dressed down then back up transforming themselves into 1980s rock stars for the no-longer-super-secret-on
Though the hash was drawing to a close, the night was just beginning. The pack weaved its way up to the Middle East, then headed downstairs to indulge in a little Appetite for Destruction--The Ultimate Tribute to Guns N' Roses! The few extra hash cash dollars were quickly disposed of with PBR tallboys as the band kicked its set off with Welcome to the Jungle. Not quite Slash is clearly a hasher through and through. We were all rocked very hard. The hash got a piece.
Monday, January 7, 2008
The Rock Star Trust-Me Hash, Jan 18th
Welcome to C*mbridge, we've got fun and games! Actually, we have hashes, beer miles and, now, a rock star trust me hash. Have you ever wanted to be a rocker, with the tabloids asking "Who is he straddlin' at the after party?" Or maybe you want to be the groupie being straddled. Either way, bring your rock star self out for the trust me hash.
What is a trust me hash? Well, it means you show up at the People's Republik @ 600p ready to hash with a change of clothes and 6 hours to spare. Promises are a C*mbridge trail, beer, shots, beer, an on-in with food, beer, a tag w/out your name on it, beer and A SECRET ROCK STAR ON-AFTER! You will be within range of public transportation by midnight so no one will turn into a drunk, naked pumpkin.
When: Fri, Jan 18th, 600pm HST
Where: People's Republik (880 Mass Ave, btwn Harvard and Central)
Hash Cash: $25 for trail, tag, drinks, food and SECRET ROCK STAR ON-AFTER! (Bring your most rock star outfit. Really. I'm wearing leather pants to the on-after!)
If you're in you MUST EMAIL ME BY MON, JAN 14th. I need precise numbers for the on-after so the sooner you email me, the better. Come on out, you won't be disappointed!
On-TakeMeDownDowntoCumbridgeCity-on,
What is a trust me hash? Well, it means you show up at the People's Republik @ 600p ready to hash with a change of clothes and 6 hours to spare. Promises are a C*mbridge trail, beer, shots, beer, an on-in with food, beer, a tag w/out your name on it, beer and A SECRET ROCK STAR ON-AFTER! You will be within range of public transportation by midnight so no one will turn into a drunk, naked pumpkin.
When: Fri, Jan 18th, 600pm HST
Where: People's Republik (880 Mass Ave, btwn Harvard and Central)
Hash Cash: $25 for trail, tag, drinks, food and SECRET ROCK STAR ON-AFTER! (Bring your most rock star outfit. Really. I'm wearing leather pants to the on-after!)
If you're in you MUST EMAIL ME BY MON, JAN 14th. I need precise numbers for the on-after so the sooner you email me, the better. Come on out, you won't be disappointed!
On-TakeMeDownDowntoCumbridgeCity-on,
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