What: The 6th Running of the Cumbridge H3 - The ROCK STAR Trust Me Hash
When: Friday, January 18th, 2008
Hares: Krusty the Meat Miser and Nice Tits
Pack: SATRAC, Wang Chunks, Goat Throat, Bend Over Mommy, Shorn Scrotum, Deep Black Hole, Snatchsquatch (on-after), C*m Titty (SH3), Nappy Headed Sew Ho (SH3), Peppermint Pussy, Tanya Hard-On, G-String, Patriot Missiles, Taj My Hole, Goes Down on Buoys (on-after), Catheter the Great, High Anus, Beat By A Girl, Schindler's Fist, Dude, Where's My Virginity, I Eat C*m (HVH3), Jimmy Crackwhore (HVH3), Cums Alone, 'Ed Master, Virgin Carrick, Virgin Prefontaine, Rugby Virgin #3, Virgin Josh
The pack began to trickle into the pre-lube at People's Republik around six o'clock. The typical Cumbridge pack has been about fifteen wankers, but since the hares quintupled hash cash for this trail, a much larger pack understandably showed up--they came from many exotic locales, including Somerville and Jamaica Plain and Brighton! Where they all came at the end of the night, however, is not intended to be shared in such a public forum! We were also graced with the presence of our neighbors to the north (the Seacoast hash) and to the west (Happy Valley). Breaking with local hash tradition--and owing to the super-secret ROCK STAR nature of this trust me hash--the hares more-or-less left on time. Wang Chunks instructed the pack--including four extremely enthusiastic male virgins who were recently voted off a Village People reality show--with a crappy chalk talk and an even crappier rendition of Father Birmingham before sending the half-minds off to follow trail through the streets of Cumbridge and (yikes!) the other side of the river!!
Trail twisted and turned through Cambridgeport before crossing into Allston and continuing by a large concentration of @ssholes in and around the Harvard Business School. Following trail both on and off-road--and sometimes not following trail at all--the pack marched through a field and was greeted to a warm beer check... fortunately for everyone, it was a warm "beer check", and not a "warm beer" check. The pack assembled inside the Bus Stop Pub where the hares kept the pitchers of sh!tty beer flowing and the locals confused by our customary shenanigans.
On out from the warm "beer check" the pack middled about Allston until stumbling upon the shot check in the middle of a few streets. C*m Titty took a few minutes to hit on the local middle school boys who were trying to score some free booze from us--it didn't work... they didn't have hash cash--and NO ONE RIDES FOR FREE! Along the way on trail, we ran across some refreshing marks: song checks (which I'm sure were fun--despite my forgetting what was sung), tit checks (Bend Over Mommy and Schindler's Fist took the easy way out--consequently, the boys had to scout trail), and the oh-so considerate BVFC (be very f*cking careful) for crossing busy streets and icy patches.
Trail eventually crossed back into the hallowed grounds of Cumbridge where we on-in'd at Krusty's place. The pack circled up and was treated to a melange of RA-ness in which various portions were "led" by Krusty, Wang, and CT. The virgins, it turns out, were ruggers... which means they knew more hash songs than the typical Cumbridge hasher. Moreover, one of the virgins was cross-dressed for the entirety of trail, complete with denim mini-skirt and fake boobs in a bra (Editor's note: The Cumbridge H3 does not discriminate against fake boobs.) Another virgin sported a timeless classic of a handlebar 'stache, and reminded many a hasher of Prefontaine. (Who the hell is old enough to remember Prefontaine? The dude died in 1975. He was, however, a r*nner and a drinker.) A certain highlight (or lowlight?) of circle occured when Virgin Prefontaine and Nice Tits demonstrated the Rusty Trombone. With a little luck, we'll have an encore performance at a future CH3 trail! Incidentally, there was also talk of Supermanning that Ho at the beer check, but no formal demonstration was made in circle.
The hares prepared a nice, home-cooked meal of baked pasta and some bangers. Quite literally, dinner was a bit of a sausagefest. After dinner, Krusty's bedroom was transformed into the impromptu naked room, where harriers and harriettes hurriedly dressed down then back up transforming themselves into 1980s rock stars for the no-longer-super-secret-on
Though the hash was drawing to a close, the night was just beginning. The pack weaved its way up to the Middle East, then headed downstairs to indulge in a little Appetite for Destruction--The Ultimate Tribute to Guns N' Roses! The few extra hash cash dollars were quickly disposed of with PBR tallboys as the band kicked its set off with Welcome to the Jungle. Not quite Slash is clearly a hasher through and through. We were all rocked very hard. The hash got a piece.