Sunday, December 6, 2009

The Salem Halloween Hash Trash

The C#mbridge H*sh Hallloween run 10/24/2009

Salem, MA

Pre-lube: Porter's Bar and Grill

Hare: Wang Chunks
Bag Car: Stretch P#ssy
RA: Krusty the Meat Miser
Surprise Scribe: The Maid of Honor

Da Pack:
Jimmy crackwhore, Dirty layte sanchez, Dude, where's my virginity, P#ssy
factory, Counterfeit dick, Peppermint p#ssy, Inconvenient poop, Fisty, Nancy
Reagan, G-string, Pbbv..., Bbag, Gay pride, Cougar consulting, Cletus the
fetus

So uh... I'm a lazy bum and I agreed to write this one about a month ago.
Since then I have slacked like crazy. I also wasn't the designated scribe
until afterwards, so no notes. We shall see what I can remember.

Now that I have whined I will commence with making up great stories about
all of you.

On-ghouls-gone-wild-On!

The Pack slowly assembled in Porters and had ourselves some early afternoon
brews. Apparenty MOH didn't get the memo that we were in the witches and
warlocks themed costumes. Everyone else showed up in there dark garb while
MOH showed up in A jester outfit and some killer running tights. Pbbzzt...
and MOH remenisced about the good old days of writing suggestive messages
all the way up Pbbbzzzt...'s leg on the graffiti h*sh. Oh the good ol days.

We had some strange conversations in the bar including one in which the
stereotypical image of lesbians was shot down as the norm. The locals
agreed. Someone may have mentioned lipstick lesbians as the cure to the
broken fantasy. H*sh managed to avoid offending any die-hard feminists in
our midst. We left the Porters and tromped on down to North Station.

Most of the pack managed to follow the instructions and make the train to
Salem. Most...

The train ride was about as subdued as could be expected from a group of
folks applying black lipstick to their male contingent and Fisty trading her
corset off to another h*sher. Fisty, it looked great on you too, don't
worry.

Arrival in Salem and we met up with a few more brave h*shers willing to
face the drizzle. Nancy pulled up in style only to realize he and MOH were
both jesters. Faux pas!

Wang let us know what we were doing and we scurried off down an abandoned
rail bed. Got lost several times before finding a marked trail that actually
led into Salem. Finally the travesty could begin in earnest.

Off to a good start we had a song check directly in front of a line for a
haunted tour bus. Salem in October is full of a lot of freaks. Our pride
continues that we can still top the bunch and really confuse, amuse, and
generally make people feel uncomfortable. We rock.

Back to trail. Which, as it turns out was getting very challenging to
follow. If I remember correctly, this was a dead trail on a fairly rainy
day. In other words.. fading fast! We hustled down the main street of
vendors in Salem, speculating that there was a trail hidden somewhere under
there feet. Whatever the case was, we did find trail at the end of it. More
mucking about the residential neighborhoods finally pointed us towards the
harbor shore.

We found one of the best BC's ever. Wang and Stretch had a small burner out
the back of a truck warming a pot of cider to which excellent things were
added. This is a very good way to make the pack happy.

The BC came to an end and Wang pointed us towards the continuation of trail.
More Running through throngs of costumed people.

And then we came to a very special place! A giant statue of Bend Over
Mommy's ancestor. I think he was standing triumphantly with virgins fawning
at his feet. Makes sense with a cool descendent like BOM.

All the vendors around town were really starting to make me hungry! Between
the hot salted nuts and spicy giant sausage I was salivating. (I believe the
stache made me write that again)

We found the On-In which was some chill divy bar/restaurant. No idea what it
was called. Bu they were very cool with us taking over their back alley to
sing songs and drink beverages.

Circle involved calling out C#mbridge virgins, hat wearers, non-costume
wearers, late-c#mmers, backsliders, and generally anyone who just deserved
to drink more.

Somewhere along the line Krusty found the mankiest rotting roller blade I
have ever seen. Which we then tried to get one of the pack to drink out of.
He refused claiming something about standards... BS.

Most importantly we gave a shout out to our favorite future H*sher: Cletus
the Fetus (currently residing like a creepy alien in Dude, Where's my
virginity's belly)

BBAG was kind enough to be a surrogate down downer for his spawn.

We finished up and went into the bar to settle into many pitchers and a
bunch of cheap, mostly edible food.

We took our dear sweet time and missed the first train. So that lead to more
pitchers.

Which got us into fine form. I can now continue my H*sh grooming styles
commentary with a shout out to Fisty sporting the Adult woman, full, but not
out of control styling.

Eventually we extricated ourselves and blazed a trail back to the train.
With so many pitchers in us it just didn't seem right to let the peace rest.
And so we sang. Oh did we sing. The platform of that train may never be the
same. Verse after Verse of Yogi, S&M Man, old department store, and one
particularly cruel rendition of Jesus saves once a sign-board man approached
us with his “Jesus Saves!” Signs.

Forget it dude. We are beyond saving.


On-Halloween-debauchery-On


-The Maid of Honor

Thursday, October 22, 2009

Hash #23: The Salem Halloween Hash

What: A CH3 Halloween Hash in Salem
Hare: Wang Chunks
When: Saturday, Oct 24th @ 1230p HST (We'll be departing the pre-lube NO LATER than 115p to catch the commuter rail)
Pre-Lube: Porter's Bar and Grill (173 Portland St, near North Station)
Hash Cash: $5 (beer only, food + commuter fare not included)
Promises: Witches, beer, cheap food, beer, spookiness, beer, old-timey baseball, beer and shenanigans

That's right, wankers and diddlers! Here's an opportunity to run amongst civilians dressed even sillier than you--and you can get there with everyone else--a few beers already in you--by commuter rail!

Salem-in-October attire is highly recommended--you don't want to be the only masshole in town looking "normal". Witches, warlocks, or whatever other random-ass ghoul-y things you can think of.

Opening circle will occur at 1:59pm at the Salem Commuter Rail stop.

Fortunately, for anyone coming from the Boston area, there's a train that departs North Station (on the Newburyport/Rockport line) at 1:30pm that will arrive at Salem at EXACTLY 1:59pm! Anyone planning to drive should be at the commuter rail station before the start of circle!

PRELUBE: For those coming from Boston, the pre-lube will be at Porter's Bar and Grill (173 Portland St, near North Station). Show up as early as noon if you like--grab some lunch with other hashers, and get the hell out of there soon enough to buy your commuter rail ticket for the 1:30pm train!

For those driving, I recommend you brown-bag it in the commuter rail parking lot.

HASH CASH: $5 for trail and religion beer, everyone is responsible for their own food, which is plentiful and cheap at the on-after. You are also responsible for your own commuter rail fare

RSVP is not required, but would be helpful for planning a thing or two. Let me know if you think you might make it out on Saturday, wangchunks@gmail.com.

On-hashing-way-off-the-red-line-on,
Wang Chunks

Friday, September 18, 2009

Hash #22: 3rd Anal CH3 Beer Mile Hash Trash

What: The 3rd Anal CH3 Summer Beer Mile

When: Fri, Sep 19th

Hares: Krusty the Meat Miser

Pack
Hashers:
Krusty the Meat Miser, Just Sager, Virgin Jessica, Sugar Plum Fairy, Brigham Tongue, Necrophiliac Jack, Muddy Buddy, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps, The Butler Hit It
Spectators: Wang Chunks, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Catheter the Great, Shawskank, Nipples Erectus, Spunk in the Trunk, Just Sarah

The pack gathered at the pre-lube, the hotel bar of the Courtyard Marriot. As each hasher entered, they had to decide if they were with the hash or the rehearsal dinner arriving at 7pm. Given the $5 Bud Lights at the bar, many hashers thought of moving in on the dinner and snagging some free wine.

While sitting at the bar, we noticed two police officers moving into the "library" of the Courtyard Marriot. Despite the obvious blue uniforms, talk of drinking in public and smoking the ganja was loudly exchanged among hashers. When the time came for the rehearsal dinner, we politely moved to the library in order to be closer to the cops. There was talk of circling then and there since we were all seated in the correct configuration. But the call of the beer mile is strong. After another drink, the pack left and crossed the street to Magazine St Beach for the main event.

Necro Jack, an experienced hasher, managed to lead 4 others to the wrong end of Mag St Beach. He tried to bargain their position and convince the pack to move to his area. It was a failed effort, though, because we had the beer. Jack retrieved the others and joined the pack at the starting line of the beer mile.

After cracking open a 30 rack of cool, refreshing Natty Light, the pack circled for introductions. At one point, all beer milers were thrusting and all spectators were bent over. Shawskank was brought into circle so Krusty could demonstrate what happens when the 2 motions combine (simulated doggystyle). The rules of the beer mile were explained along with the course, which was laid out in cones that were now invisible thanks to the dark. Beers were lined up by our diligent beer bitches Spunk and Nips, and the pack was away.

The results for this beer mile are linked on the right side of the blog. Muddy Buddy was the first away, followed closely by Just Sager. Unfortunately, Muddy Buddy got lost in the first 50 ft of trail. There was also some drama when Necro Jack unceremoniously refunded his beer. Krusty was the FRB and Virgin Jessica took the FBI. She's clearly a born racist hasher.

Now, beer mile is inherently racist. Still, Shawskank found ways to make it even more racist. Aside from recording split times for each hasher, she CALCULATED the average split time for each. That means doing math in your head. At a hash event. She paid for this crime in circle.

Speaking of circle, it was led by Krusty and went something like this.

Krusty was brought into ciricle as the hare of the event and Wang Chunks led the pack in serenading him with 'You're a Shitty Hare'.

Shawskank paid for her crime of supporting racist behavior by timing and calculating average lap times for each hasher.

Krusty drank, again, this time for being the FRB.

The FBI was Virgin Jessica but she needed to see an instructional down-down. Necro Jack wasn't actually asked to be her sponsor. Instead, he creepily appeared behing VJ when it came time to show her a down-down. He demonstrated and then the Virgin did her down-down, complete with cranial inversion.

Muddy Buddy drank for finishing in the sacred 6.9th place.

Necro Jack was called into circle again for alcohol abuse since he refunded beer on trail.

There was a small bag of ice. Yes, ice! At this point, for some reason, Buttler was made to sit on it, ass exposed, for several down-downs. Later on, Shawskank and Necro Jack would share the icy seat for having a private party.

At this time, the Virgin was officially demented in a manner suiting Cumbridge. She would only get off on a bus of lesbians if they stimulated her cl1t. When Wang asked about an embarassing sexual moment, she replied with something about the kitchen table, her roommate and being locked in. The virgin was speaking in drunk.

Muddy Buddy was pulled into circle for getting lost on trail.

All the spectators did a sweat test failure down-down and nearly finished the beer. With limited alcohol left, it was time for the patented Cumbridge down-down, the Cabomb!

The winner/loser of the condom down-down was Necro Jack for getting lost in the short distance between the hotel and the beer mile. He's had experience with the Cabomb before so this was nothing new.

The pack wrapped it up with 'Today is Monday' and headed to Riverside Pizza for cheap beer and mediocre food. The last beer mile of 2009 was a success, here's to all the wankers that answered the call!

On-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Hash #22: CH3 Summer Beer Mile

Get ready for the best mileage to beer check ratio you're likely to get this year, the Cumbridge H3 3rd anal Summer Beer Mile. For the ill-informed hashers, a beer mile consists of chugging a beer, running a 1/4 mile lap and repeating 3 more times. If you happen to refund your beer (alcohol abuse!) during the event, you run an extra lap. Come out and hash for time or just for spectacle!

What: CH3 Summer Beer Mile
When: Fri, Sep 17th @ 630p HST
Pre-Lube: The Courtyard Marriot Hotel Bar (777 Memorial Dr, Cumbridge, MA) --> (http://tinyurl.com/ra6z99)
Where: Magazine St Beach
Hash Cash: $5 (beer only)
Why: Why the f*ck not? Come see idiots hash! Be an idiot that hashes!

NO RELAY ENTRIES THIS YEAR!

On-drinkingangbooting-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser

Friday, July 24, 2009

CH3 Hash #21: The Don't Trust Me Hash

As the Cumbridge H3 nears the 2 year mark, Drippy Spigot took it upon himself to help the pack recall the basics of hashing. His don't trust me hash was no doubt a response to the trust me hash of June when 2nd Cumming and Wang Chunks loading several unsuspecting hashers into vans and transported them to Newport to harvest their organs for profit (no one wanted the hash livers). A trash will (eventually) be posted of the CH3 trust me hash in Newport but until then, enjoy this latest installment of Cumbridge shenanigans...

What: The 21st running of the CH3 - the don't trust me hash

When: Fri, July 24th

Hares: Drippy Spigot, Just Heather and Shitshow (impromptu)

Pack: Krusty the Meat Miser, Wang Chunks, SATRAC, Jolly Green Vagina, Shitshow, Fire in the Hole, Stick it to the Bros (aka Nancy Reagan), Shitshow, Wooden Eye F Her in the A, Time of the Munch, Cum Fly With Me, Mona Lay-a, PBPBVVPBpvbbpvpbvpv..., Spoonful of Semen, Floppy Dick, Just Craig, Just Adam, Just Elly, Just Lloyd

Drippy had thrown the gauntlet for this hash by telling us, outright, not to trust him. Emails hyping the run suggested that hashers should be equipped a GPS, fleshlight, map, condoms and supplemental oxygen. This was intimidating...until we realized that Drippy was haring by himself. He propositioned several hashers by asking them if they'd like to hare with him. It would take Shitshow approximately 3 beers to take Drippy up on the offer.

The pack gathered at the Summer Shack near Alewife (sans the recommended orienteering gear) for the prelube. After a few beers and the requisite 6.9 minute head start, the pack circled. There weren't any virgins for sacrifice so marks were explained in a quick and dirty fashion, fitting for the hash. Introductions were accompanied by each hasher's best Michael Jackson impression. Impressions involved, among other things, mentions of young boys, stringy hair or just simply laying on the ground.

The pack scattered, searching for marks. Many of us went in the direction of Somerville or Cambridge, figuring that any bars in Arlington would be too full of non-fun yuppies to accommodate hashers. There's no WAY trail could be leading to Arlington. Except that it was...

Being out of our natural habitat of Cumbridge, the pack was confused, frightened and way too sober (Dear Summer Shack, Your beer is way to expensive for a bar next to Alewife. F you. Sincerely, the CH3). Nothing looked familiar. Cars were moving quickly, intersections were few and far between and the People's Republic was nowhere in sight. Where would we find cheap beer in this strange land. The answer, of course, was in a patch of mosquito infested woods set just off a main road.

Drippy managed to drag a cooler of cold PBR, Keystone and refreshing fruit into the suburban woods for the pack. It was here that Shitshow had 3 beers and agreed to co-hare with Drippy who convinced her in between large gasps for breath. In addition to beer, Drippy provided some sort of tablet that, supposedly, improved the taste of fruit. Being suspicious of what might be roofies, the pack turned down his generous offer of mystery drugs.

Just Craig began talking about some sort of USB masturbation aid, only sold in Japan, that was used with a computer. Many floppy disk to hard drive jokes were made. Mona Lay-a made an interesting comment when she noticed that one of Bros' pecs was larger than the other. That led Wang to say that he had "a Nancy Reagan thing going on." Nice.

After giving the hares 6.9 minutes (maybe less because of all the mosquitos), the pack climbed up a hill and across some railroad tracks in a bit of foreshadowing. As dusk set in, trail continued to wind through Arlington and possibly into Watertown. If it's not on the red line, I have no idea where it is. Finally, the pack made its way to an intersection with a check and no marks. After a half hour of searching, JGV realized that Drippy's house was 2 short blocks away. It turns out the hare had decided to be tricky and turn without leaving a mark. Clever hares.

In addition to the usual stash of shitty beer, Drippy provided meat and a grill for the pack.

Circle went something like this...

Hares - Drippy, Shitshow and Just Heather were brought in to the circle. Comments on trail included the notable fact that most of the pack was nearly hit by a train.

FRB - JGV, the least likely FRB and Fire in the Hole, the most likely FRB both drank for their crimes.

DAL - Wooden Eye somehow was the DAL. Before her down-down, Just Lloyed offered to "help
Wooden Eye finish" by cumming right then and there. He didn't and she didn't.

Just Lloyd then drank for unhashmanlike behavior because he did not, in fact, help her finish.

Mona Lay-a and Cum Fly With Me wore the same shirts on trail but CFWM changed before circle, hoping to avoid accusation. Her plea for pity went unheard and she was told to get the fuck in circle and drink.

Wooden Eye, Shitshow and Time of the Munch drank for having a private party and then serenaded the pack with verse from the S + M man.

Shitshow did an innocence down-down for asking what 'ludes are. She never got drunk enough to do a MJ impression

Drippy was the source of the 'ludes comment and he drank for trying to roofie the entire pack at the beer check.

RENAMING! Sticks it to the Bros was renamed because of Mona Lay-a's mention of his different sized pecs. Thanks to Wang's subsequent commentary, Bros is now known in Cumbridge as Nancy Reagan.

There was then an impromptu down-down for hashers that had been naked on Drippy's street. Participants were JGV, Shitshow and Wooden Eye.

Next was the condom down-down so I said that it was time to bring out the C-bomb. Cum Fly With Me then said..."The cabomb?" The pack lost its shit laughing. We were lizzing, laughing and wizzing.

Henceforth, the condom down-down will be known as the Cabomb!

Cabomb nominations were PBVpbv... for having a long name, Just Craig for talking about fucking his computer, JGV for talking about Japanese websites that sold masturbation aids in 6 flavors and textures, and Cum Fly With Me for renaming the condom down-down (and not knowing what it was).

CFWM renamed the down-down, so she was the "winner" and downed the Cabomb with gusto! SHE EVEN SUCKED THE BEER OUT OF THE HEAD OF THE CONDOM! Hashmanlike behavior.

The last down-down was a "fight" between Mona Lay-a and Time of the Munch. She, apparently, claimed that she could kick his ass. There was only one thing to do...
They had a shotgun contest and both were pretty poor. ML took a long time and TotM took a good minute and a half to crack open his can. No real "winners" here.

Circle wrapped with Today is Monday and the hash then went to put Drippy's meat in their mouth.

On-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

CH3 Hash #18 - The Pick-up Hash

Due to unforeseen circumstances, Drippy Spigot had to pull out (ha!) of haring this month's trail. So, in true Cumbridge fashion, a pick-up hash was disorganized in Harvard Square. On a Friday night. During happy hour. Who thought up this clusterfuck?

That would be me, Krusty the Meat Miser! Trusty RA, hare raiser, GM, hash cash and scribe of this particular Cumbridge Hash!

This hash trash is guaranteed 6.9% accurate, as it's being written nearly a month after the fact.

When: Fri, Mar 27th

Hares: Gay Pride, Fire in the Hole, Krusty the Meat Miser, Sticks it to the Bros and Sugar Plum Fairy as bag storage

Pack: WANKERS, ALL OF THEM!

Pre-lube: Uno Chicago Bar + Whitney's, both in Harvard Square (the pack was split between them because it was happy hour on Friday and a bunch of hashers showed up)

On-In: Shay's Pub + Wine Bar, Harvard Square

On-After: Charlie's Kitchen, Harvard Square

After being split in two for the pre-lube, the pack reunited in the courtyard of Harvard Square and drew straws to see who would be the first hare. Gay Pride "volunteered" to be the first hare and took off carrying a bag full of flour, chalk and two bottles of spiked gatorade the chalk bag while the rest of us warmed up with a rousing rendition of Father Birmingham.

Trail began leisurely enough, winding through Harvard Square and into a parking lot without an exit. Marks ended abruptly as Gay Pride realized this and peed himself just a little bit. As the pack turned out of the parking lot, there was some confusion in the area around Legal Sea Foods. Eventually, trail led to the statues in Longfellow Park where Gay Pride was had cracked one of the gatorade bottles.

There was a secret beer check planned at Fire in the Hole's place. Not expecting a large pack, I had secretly planted a 12-pack of beer there. At the first beer check, realizing the pack was 25 rowdy hashers, an impromptu collection of hash cash for later beer buying was in order. With the money collected, Fire in the Hole (who was the FRB to the gatorade check) took the chalk and flour. Trail led along the Charles to the JFK bridge and along the Charles again to the Harvard footbridge. The pack took 20 minutes to run around a check until figuring out that trail went across the footbridge.

At this point, I'll admit racist behavior. Since I was the only other hasher who knew about the beer at Fire's, I needed to be the next hare. Luckily, Fire figured this out and signaled me with her tits (or by simply saying my name, details are foggy) as soon as I crossed the bridge. Much of the pack was thought lost to the maze of Harvard Square but they all showed up before I took off to lay some chalk and flour.

Trail went straight to Fire's place (you must have seen that coming). After arriving, I immediately raced (again) to the liquor store to buy more beer for the thirsty, thirsty pack. This was the 2nd beer check on a pick-up trail, which I believe is unprecedented in the greater Boston area. Basically, I was smart enough to plan the beer but lazy enough to not scout trail.

Bros smelled the beer first and was the lucky hasher to arrive first and claim the chalk. His trail led us straight back to the courtyard in Harvard Square and on to Whitney's.

Whitney's, being a tiny, tiny bar was too packed for circle on a Friday evening. Instead, the pack took over the patio at Shea's pub and wine bar. The waitress was good enough to provide us with lukewarm PBR and plastic glasses for down-downs. There were many of them but I can't remember a singe one. The condom down-down was done by SATRAC (maybe) who was falling asleep from jet lag during circle.

Afterwards, the pack headed to Charlie's Kitchen for burgers, more beer and some really gross bathrooms. In Cumbridge, we can improvise, even if it's on Friday night in Harvard Square.

On-pickup-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Cumbridge Reborn!

The Cumbridge H3 is over a year old and has many hashes under its beer belly. There are very few rules governing those hashes aside from making sure they happen on Fridays on the Red Line. Creative on-afters are encouraged, if not standard, and often result in a shitshow of alcohol, hashers, nudity and fun (You're welcome!). However, there are some changes on the horizon.

The most identifiable aspect of Cumbridge hashing, in my mind, is the creativity and opportunity for experimentation that it offers the hares. Hash cash is flexible and has ranged from $5 (beer only) to $25 (beer, food and a concert ticket). The pack is generally smaller than in Boston, allowing for more subtle beer checks and tinier on-afters with annoying jukeboxes. The only thing left to free up is the location and day of the hash.

The CH3, despite its name, is no longer confined to the Red Line. Cambridge and Somerville have been hashed consistently by all the Boston kennels, so let's bring some of that creative Cumbridge energy to Southie, Allston, JP, etc. Look for fun on-ins all around town. As for the day, in Cumbridge, Friday is still the usual hashing day. That said, if there's a compelling reason to move it to a Thursday or Saturday (for example, a holiday showing of the Slutcracker) then go for it. Just keep the other Boston kennels in mind when scheduling.

If you're interested in haring, talk to any member of CH3 mismanagement (Drippy Spigot, Schindler's Fist, Sucks Hard for the $, Wang Chunks and me). In the meantime, to get the (mental) hash juices flowing, here are some previous CH3 hash concepts...

- A summer hash with 7 alcohol checks...
- A rock star trust me hash with the secret on-after being a G n' R cover band...
- Courtside karaoke as the on-after resulting in 2 hashers accidentally faking a Portuguese love song...
- An on-after at a semi-private bar with a Rock Band setup...
- A Big Lebowski themed hash the week of BH3 Marathon...

Finally, bookmark http://cumbridgeh3.blogspot.com for any announcements involving the CH3. See you on trail...

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Winter Beer Mile Hash Trash

Date: Sat, Feb 7th
Pre-Lube: The Summer Shack
Beer Mile Course:
The Danehy Park Track
On-In: Cougar Consulting's apartment
Hare: Krusty the Meat Miser
Pack: Sugar Plum Fairy, I Eat Cum, Schindler's Fist, Moaning Lisa, Cougar Consulting, Jolly Green Vagina, Snatchsquatch, Wang Chunks

This hash trash contains the drunken recollections of the RA and is guaranteed only 69% accurate.

It was indeed the best beer check to mileage ratio the pack had seen this year. The pack gathered at the Summer Shack and waited an hour past HST to catch any stragglers. Despite the balmy winter weather, there were more spectators than participants in the actual event. Actually, the timing squad was probably bigger than the number of runners.

The pack headed to the Danehy Park track from the Summer Shack to find that it isn't shoveled during the winter. Here's a good view of the trail.


There was a lone hurdle set up on the track, courtesy of Fisty. It was not used but the typical beer mile hurdles of 4 beers and carbonation still remained.

Solo participants were Krusty, IEC and SPF while a relay team I'm calling "Hashing in Jeans" consisted of Fisty, Cougar Consulting, Moaning Lisa and Snatchsquatch. The 4 harriettes engaged in a heavy make-out session before the mile as a "team building exercise". After proper warmups, beers were opened, the clock was started and idiocy began.

Competition was as stiff as Krusty's freezing member (Keep in mind that he was wearing a kilt and no shorts, meaning not stiff at all). Krusty lapped all other participants while SPF was his typical zamboni self and IEC got great enjoyment from throwing snowballs at hashers coming for another beer. Hashing in Jeans was "pleasantly" surprised when Krusty decided to show a bit of skin while passing Fisty.


Real men go commando. The beer mile wrapped up and was quietly observed by some norms walking their dogs around the park. Instead of circling up on the snowy ground, Cougar Consulting offered up her nearby mauling pad for violation by the hash. Cars were gathered and some hashers arrived there in a timely manner. Another car, however, cut a 6 mile detour up to Belmont before getting back on track and barely beating the Chinese delivery guy to Cougar's.

Circle was casual, with hashers enjoying the warmth sitting in chairs or on a couch. Occasional people on the bike path were unwilling participants thanks to windows overlooking the path in Cougar's place. IEC took over as RA for the first down-down for the hare. He sang "Shitty Trail" but the pack came back with a rousing version of the Cumbridge classic, "You're a Shitty Hare". Krusty then took over as RA to administer the following down-downs...

FRB - Krusty the Meat Miser
DFL and runnning in jeans - IEC, Moaning Lisa, Schindler's Fist, Snatchsquatch
Smaht Kids - Fisty
Lost on trail (on the way to CC's) - Krusty, Jolly Green Vagina, IEC, Fisty
Bruised Knees - Fisty
No Hash Attire - Fisty, Krusty, Snatchsquatch, Lisa

Finally, the condom down-down went to second time "winner", Krusty the Meat Miser. It seems to have been for making circle run too long after the food had been delivered. Sometimes, pics speak louder than words...


The next CH3 beer mile will be in the summer for you fair weather hashers. In the meantime, the March CH3 trail will be brought to you by none other than Drippy Spigot.

On-beermile-on,
Krusty

Monday, February 2, 2009

CH3 Winter Beer Mile

Get ready for the best mileage to beer check ratio you're likely to get this year, the Cumbridge H3 annual Winter Beer Mile. For the ill-informed hashers, a beer mile consists of chugging a beer, running a 1/4 mile lap and repeating 3 more times. If you happen to refund your beer (alcohol abuse!) during the event, you run an extra lap. Come out and hash for time or just for spectacle!

What: CH3 Winter Beer Mile
When: Sat, Feb 5th @ 230p HST
Pre-Lube: The Summer Shack (149 Alewife Brook Pkwy, Cumbridge, MA) --> a short walk from Alewife, trail will be marked
Where: The Danehy Park Track
Hash Cash: $5 (beer only, spectators included)
Why: Why the f*ck not? Come see idiots hash! Be an idiot that hashes!

Finally, I NEED A FEW TIMERS. If you plan to attend but remain stationary and drinking, shoot me an email!

On-drinkingangbooting-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser

The Cumbridge Isexcapades Hash Trash

Hares: Schindler's Fist, Just Michelle and Cougar Consulting (as bag car)

Pack: Krusty the Meat Miser, Super Teflon Dong, Wang Chunks, Hoover McSucknfuck, You Oughta Blow, Wooden Eye Fuck 'er in the Ass, Pubic Service Announcement, Drippy Spigot, Nice Tits, I Eat Tea Bags, Laa-Laa, Sticks it to the Bros, Goat Throat, Just John, Crucifux (late cummer), Bend Over Mommy (late cummer), the 2nd Cumming (late cummer), NAMBLA (late cummer) and a bunch more wankers

Pre-Lube: T.I.T.S. in Porter Square

On-In: Prospect Hill Monument in Union Square

On-After:
PA's Lounge

It's just that large. The pack, I mean. Seriously, never scribe without a notepad more than 2 weeks after the fact. I remember gathering at the pre-lube for a High Life and then standing outside the bar with Goat Throat immediately after yelling 'hares away'. The industrious hares ran off in different directions so Goat Throat and I waited patiently until Fisty doubled back and ran past us. She was less than pleased.

After winding through the streets of Somerville, the pack made its way to Harvard, specifically the Harvard ice skating rink. The pack drank spiked hot chocolate and some of the more adventurous idiots decided to put blades on their feet and slide on the ice. At one point, STD spotted a hasher showing some asscrack while putting on her skates. He proceeded to yell (louder than usual) "The winner of the best crack contest is the harriette in blue!" or something like it. It turned out...she wasn't a hasher. Awesome.

The pack left and continued winding through and around Harvard to a (cold) beer check. It was then a long way to Union Square and (finally) the Prospect Hill Monument. I think 2/3 of the pack zenned there. Anyway, circle began in the freezing cold and down-downs were had. Wish I could rmember most of them. There were the usual suspects (FRBs, Smaht Kids, etc), the black guys and a Mexican for figure skating and, of course, the condom down-down. That went to me for not ending circle ASAP.

The pack made its way to PA's Lounge with plenty of snowballing along the way. Yup, you heard me.

On-on to beer mile,
Krusty the Meat Miser

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

CH3 Hash #16: Isexcapades!

What: Why, a Cumbridge Hash, of course...the Isexcapades!!
Hares: Schindler's Fist and Just Michele, who debuted two months ago at the Cumbridge Hash and is now a virgin hare!
Bag Car: Cougar Consulting
Where: Tavern on the Square in Porter...1815 Mass Ave...take Red line to Porter, turn left as you exit, don't cross any major roads (too dangerous for you wankers!), Tavern is on the right. Trail WILL NOT necessarily be marked from the T. But seriously, it is simple...even simple enough for YOU.
When: Friday, Jan. 23, 6.30 HST
Promises:
  • A bi-athalon of sorts--you may just like skating for the other team.
  • Hot (or at least lukewarm) chocolate on trail. (Yes, yes, with peppermint schnapps)
  • Cold. And more cold. Please please dress warmly. Drink checks and circle will be outside and we don't want to listen to you whine. Plastic bags over your socks will get you heckled-- 'grow some balls!' --but will also keep you warm.