Sunday, July 13, 2008

Hash Trash: The Dick My Duck Hash

This hash was co-scribed by Krusty the Meat Miser and Jolly Green Vagina and is, as usual, guaranteed 69% accurate.

Hares: SATRAC, Bend Over Mommy, Dick Me Duck and Spunk in the Trunk (bag car)

Pack: Krusty the Meat Miser, Jolly Green Vagina, Shorn Scrotum, Peppermint Pussy, Just 'Stina, 'Edmaster, You Oughta Blow, Schindler's Fist, Goat Throat, I Eat Cum (HVH3), Just Leanne, Tequila Tony (from Seattle, pre-lube only), Crucifux, Nice Tits, Floppy Dick, High Anus, Spoonful of Semen, Gay Pride, NAMBLA, Sucks Hard for the $, Just Wells, Virgin Susanne, Just Johnathon, Virgin Joaquim (spontaneous virgin), Unlikely to Finish (spontaneous virgin)

After work on Friday, the Cumbridge hash gathered at Tommy Doyle's smack in the middle of happy hour. Hashers watched guys "buy drinks" for ladies in hopes of seeing them topless later in the evening. We all wondered why they didn't just wait for a tit check. I love the hash.

Tequila Tony, a visitor from Seattle, joined us for a BEvERage at the pre-lube but had to rush of for a business meeting or a sex-change operation, we're still not really sure. Dick Me Duck also made a frisky appearance as he gently caressed Just Stina and was tag teamed by both Stina and Peppermint Pussy (I believe there's picture evidence). The hares had been away 6.9 minutes when the pack circled for chalk talk, RA'd by Krusty. 2 virgins joined us from the bar, one of whom dubbed himself "Unlikely to Finish." Marks were typical except for the Quack Check, which results in lots of quacking and confusion. After introductions, chalk talk and a single verse of "Hey, my name is Joe" the pack was away with an innocent bystander asking I Eat Cum what was going on. IEC answered the dude with his duck call until he gave up .

Trail wound through Kendall Square, eventually bringing the pack to the classic MIT pub, the Muddy Charles. The pack had 10 PITCHERS to finish, leaving plenty of time for loud hash conversations. When informed of the ridiculous amount of beer, JGV decided he was going to "pass out in my car at Alewife, puke a few times and then go home." I Eat Cum, a visitor, was impressed to be drinking in such a smart bar. So impressed, that he wore a bag on his foot and tried reading a magazine upside down. It's likely that he's slightly retarded.

The drunk, wobbly pack was away again, this time through the tunnels of MIT, through the tennis courts and near the dog park with the cannons, not far from the BU Bridge. The pack enjoyed spiked gatorade while Nice Tits got down in the dirt to "examine" Krusty's broken "knee". Afterwards she exclaimed "I'm a dirty, dirty whore."

After the beer check, trail quickly found its way to the classiest joint in Cumbridge, the duck/homeless haven right next to the BU bridge. A large flcok of ducks were quickly scared away by overzealous hashers who may have wanted to screw them. Only I Eat Cum, using his duck call, tried to seduce them.

Krusty RA'd circle, rallying the pack with a rousing "Circle up wankers!" and a mention of the "climax" of this running of the CH3.

The hares were given comments on trail like "duckalicious", "nice tunnels" and "fuck the ducks!" They were seranaded with "You're a Shitty Hare" before their down-down of warm Coors Light (aka FUCKING WATER).

Next up were the FRB/FBI (High Anus/Just Leanne) and 'Ed Master, for wearing a racist shirt, who demonstated the Cumbridge down-down to our 3 virgins. One of the keys to the CH3 down-down is inverting your vessel because what doesn't go in you, goes on you, just like sucking cock.

The DALs were 'Ed Master and Nice Tits. Anyone who dressed for the occasion was brought in for the Ducks on Trail down-down. The virgins were summarily demented by Peppermint Pussy. Unlikely to Finish was also demented by his proxy sponsor, I Eat Cum, who was wearing a kilt. Just a kilt. We had 2 visitors in circle, I Eat Cum and Goat Throat who proudly showed us some skin, the skin on their ballsacks. The smaht kids down-down punished anyone associated with MIT or Harvard (intelligence is NOT an STD, kids). Unlikely to Finish also drank for using a phone in circle because his "mom was worried about him." She was worried about the entire hash AFTER THEY HAD SEX WITH HER LAST NIGHT!

Just Stina has been hashing 7 times and was due for a name, so she was pulled into the circley mess. We found out that she's a lawyer, "acts" in the Rocky Horror Picture Show and lost her virginity to a guy who was a little too big. She was not named Oink the Doink, Fuck Work I'm Cumming, Prostitorney, Legal Queefs, Designaeted Clitter or Rocky's Whore. Instead, because she was tied to a bed in front of 7 people, she was named Legally Bound and Gagged!

Next up were sweat test failures NAMBLA and Sucks Hard for the $. Then the Ladies of the 80s had a down-down, along with NAMBLA and Goat Throat for some reason. Finally, the infamous condom down-down needed to be designated. Nominations included Nice Tits for getting the "easy to blow" duck call, Gay Pride for phone in circle, Unlikely to Finish for calling his mom and Jolly Green Vagina for...I honestly can't remember. The applausemeter made JGV the winner of a latex, non-lubricated beer vessel.

Announcements were made and circle was closed with "Today is Monday." The pack gradually made its way to American Hi-Fi in Central for more beer and terrible pizza.

Overheard on trail:
It took 4 games of Beirut until I could drink again. - Just Johnathon

You're reading the paper upside down. - Krusty to IEC in the Muddy Charles
And I've got a bag on my foot, so what? - IEC's response

Write that shit down on your fucking paper! - IEC

I hope you drown, let your ducks save you now. - IEC

Friends don't cum on friends bags. - 'Ed Master

You hate geese and the word vagina, what else? - Crucifux to You Oughta Blow

Krusty the Meat Miser

No comments: