Friday, July 24, 2009

CH3 Hash #21: The Don't Trust Me Hash

As the Cumbridge H3 nears the 2 year mark, Drippy Spigot took it upon himself to help the pack recall the basics of hashing. His don't trust me hash was no doubt a response to the trust me hash of June when 2nd Cumming and Wang Chunks loading several unsuspecting hashers into vans and transported them to Newport to harvest their organs for profit (no one wanted the hash livers). A trash will (eventually) be posted of the CH3 trust me hash in Newport but until then, enjoy this latest installment of Cumbridge shenanigans...

What: The 21st running of the CH3 - the don't trust me hash

When: Fri, July 24th

Hares: Drippy Spigot, Just Heather and Shitshow (impromptu)

Pack: Krusty the Meat Miser, Wang Chunks, SATRAC, Jolly Green Vagina, Shitshow, Fire in the Hole, Stick it to the Bros (aka Nancy Reagan), Shitshow, Wooden Eye F Her in the A, Time of the Munch, Cum Fly With Me, Mona Lay-a, PBPBVVPBpvbbpvpbvpv..., Spoonful of Semen, Floppy Dick, Just Craig, Just Adam, Just Elly, Just Lloyd

Drippy had thrown the gauntlet for this hash by telling us, outright, not to trust him. Emails hyping the run suggested that hashers should be equipped a GPS, fleshlight, map, condoms and supplemental oxygen. This was intimidating...until we realized that Drippy was haring by himself. He propositioned several hashers by asking them if they'd like to hare with him. It would take Shitshow approximately 3 beers to take Drippy up on the offer.

The pack gathered at the Summer Shack near Alewife (sans the recommended orienteering gear) for the prelube. After a few beers and the requisite 6.9 minute head start, the pack circled. There weren't any virgins for sacrifice so marks were explained in a quick and dirty fashion, fitting for the hash. Introductions were accompanied by each hasher's best Michael Jackson impression. Impressions involved, among other things, mentions of young boys, stringy hair or just simply laying on the ground.

The pack scattered, searching for marks. Many of us went in the direction of Somerville or Cambridge, figuring that any bars in Arlington would be too full of non-fun yuppies to accommodate hashers. There's no WAY trail could be leading to Arlington. Except that it was...

Being out of our natural habitat of Cumbridge, the pack was confused, frightened and way too sober (Dear Summer Shack, Your beer is way to expensive for a bar next to Alewife. F you. Sincerely, the CH3). Nothing looked familiar. Cars were moving quickly, intersections were few and far between and the People's Republic was nowhere in sight. Where would we find cheap beer in this strange land. The answer, of course, was in a patch of mosquito infested woods set just off a main road.

Drippy managed to drag a cooler of cold PBR, Keystone and refreshing fruit into the suburban woods for the pack. It was here that Shitshow had 3 beers and agreed to co-hare with Drippy who convinced her in between large gasps for breath. In addition to beer, Drippy provided some sort of tablet that, supposedly, improved the taste of fruit. Being suspicious of what might be roofies, the pack turned down his generous offer of mystery drugs.

Just Craig began talking about some sort of USB masturbation aid, only sold in Japan, that was used with a computer. Many floppy disk to hard drive jokes were made. Mona Lay-a made an interesting comment when she noticed that one of Bros' pecs was larger than the other. That led Wang to say that he had "a Nancy Reagan thing going on." Nice.

After giving the hares 6.9 minutes (maybe less because of all the mosquitos), the pack climbed up a hill and across some railroad tracks in a bit of foreshadowing. As dusk set in, trail continued to wind through Arlington and possibly into Watertown. If it's not on the red line, I have no idea where it is. Finally, the pack made its way to an intersection with a check and no marks. After a half hour of searching, JGV realized that Drippy's house was 2 short blocks away. It turns out the hare had decided to be tricky and turn without leaving a mark. Clever hares.

In addition to the usual stash of shitty beer, Drippy provided meat and a grill for the pack.

Circle went something like this...

Hares - Drippy, Shitshow and Just Heather were brought in to the circle. Comments on trail included the notable fact that most of the pack was nearly hit by a train.

FRB - JGV, the least likely FRB and Fire in the Hole, the most likely FRB both drank for their crimes.

DAL - Wooden Eye somehow was the DAL. Before her down-down, Just Lloyed offered to "help
Wooden Eye finish" by cumming right then and there. He didn't and she didn't.

Just Lloyd then drank for unhashmanlike behavior because he did not, in fact, help her finish.

Mona Lay-a and Cum Fly With Me wore the same shirts on trail but CFWM changed before circle, hoping to avoid accusation. Her plea for pity went unheard and she was told to get the fuck in circle and drink.

Wooden Eye, Shitshow and Time of the Munch drank for having a private party and then serenaded the pack with verse from the S + M man.

Shitshow did an innocence down-down for asking what 'ludes are. She never got drunk enough to do a MJ impression

Drippy was the source of the 'ludes comment and he drank for trying to roofie the entire pack at the beer check.

RENAMING! Sticks it to the Bros was renamed because of Mona Lay-a's mention of his different sized pecs. Thanks to Wang's subsequent commentary, Bros is now known in Cumbridge as Nancy Reagan.

There was then an impromptu down-down for hashers that had been naked on Drippy's street. Participants were JGV, Shitshow and Wooden Eye.

Next was the condom down-down so I said that it was time to bring out the C-bomb. Cum Fly With Me then said..."The cabomb?" The pack lost its shit laughing. We were lizzing, laughing and wizzing.

Henceforth, the condom down-down will be known as the Cabomb!

Cabomb nominations were PBVpbv... for having a long name, Just Craig for talking about fucking his computer, JGV for talking about Japanese websites that sold masturbation aids in 6 flavors and textures, and Cum Fly With Me for renaming the condom down-down (and not knowing what it was).

CFWM renamed the down-down, so she was the "winner" and downed the Cabomb with gusto! SHE EVEN SUCKED THE BEER OUT OF THE HEAD OF THE CONDOM! Hashmanlike behavior.

The last down-down was a "fight" between Mona Lay-a and Time of the Munch. She, apparently, claimed that she could kick his ass. There was only one thing to do...
They had a shotgun contest and both were pretty poor. ML took a long time and TotM took a good minute and a half to crack open his can. No real "winners" here.

Circle wrapped with Today is Monday and the hash then went to put Drippy's meat in their mouth.

Krusty the Meat Miser

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