After meeting up at the Powderhouse Pub in Somerville, several intrepid and idiotic half-minds attempted a beer mile last Friday.
Hare: Krusty the Meat Miser w/ Spunk in the Trunk as bag car
Pack: Cuffy, Jolly Green Vagina, Chocolate Starfish, SATRAC, Taj My Hole, Goat Throat, G-String, Shorn Scrotum, Sugar Plum Fairy, Wang Chunks, Just Charlie, Nice Tits, Merkin Muncher, Beat By a Girl, Catheter the Great, Dude Where's My Virginity, Bend Over Mommy, Just Terry, Just Tricia, Virgin Renee, Virgin Chris and Virgin James
After hydrating with a pint (or two) the pack headed to the Tufts University track which happened to be next to the dorms. Who scouted this trail, anyway? Oh, right. Anyway, I'm sure the pack looked inconspicuous lining up at the start of the beer mile. The only ones who didn't look suspicious were the ones warming up for the event. And by warming up, I don't mean finishing a pint but actually jogging. Rest assured they "cooled down" after the race with a down-down.
With a quick explanation from "hare" Krusty, the beer mile was off. Goat Throat, true to his name, destroyed his can of PBR in 6.9 seconds to many cries of "There's beer left in that thar can!" That's when Bend Over Mommy inverted his vessel to prove that Goat Throat does not, in fact, have a gag reflex. There were several hashers casually sipping beer, pinkies extended, and having conversations while others were there to compete. And vomit. Speaking of, there were 3 hashers who "refunded" beer during the event, Just Charlie, Virgin James and Virgin Chris. Obviously their warmup didn't help.
Goat Throat blew away the competition with a time of 7:38 followed by Krusty at 9:18 and G-String at 11:14. For the rest of the results, follow this link to beermile.com. Speaking of, if this race is deemed "official" by beermile.com then Goat Throat will have performance #454 on the top 1000.
Circle was back at the Powderhouse Pub where virgins drank, onlookers drank for sweat test failure and Virgin Renee took her down-downs like an experienced hasher. Perhaps she's used to being on her knees.
This was hash 5 or 6 or 6.9 for Just Charlie who was pulled into the circle for a naming. He was not named Prom Queen, Likes it Long and Hard or Whiskey Dick. Because of his job as a writer Just Charlie is now known as Not So Long Fellow!
Circle was wrapped with "Today is Monday..." and Goat Throat's farewell pub crawl began with Keystone Light.
On-on to the next cumbridge Hash!