As the Cumbridge H3 nears the 2 year mark, Drippy Spigot took it upon himself to help the pack recall the basics of hashing. His don't trust me hash was no doubt a response to the trust me hash of June when 2nd Cumming and Wang Chunks loading several unsuspecting hashers into vans and transported them to Newport to harvest their organs for profit (no one wanted the hash livers). A trash will (eventually) be posted of the CH3 trust me hash in Newport but until then, enjoy this latest installment of Cumbridge shenanigans...
What: The 21st running of the CH3 - the don't trust me hash
When: Fri, July 24th
Hares: Drippy Spigot, Just Heather and Shitshow (impromptu)
Pack: Krusty the Meat Miser, Wang Chunks, SATRAC, Jolly Green Vagina, Shitshow, Fire in the Hole, Stick it to the Bros (aka Nancy Reagan), Shitshow, Wooden Eye F Her in the A, Time of the Munch, Cum Fly With Me, Mona Lay-a, PBPBVVPBpvbbpvpbvpv..., Spoonful of Semen, Floppy Dick, Just Craig, Just Adam, Just Elly, Just Lloyd
Drippy had thrown the gauntlet for this hash by telling us, outright, not to trust him. Emails hyping the run suggested that hashers should be equipped a GPS, fleshlight, map, condoms and supplemental oxygen. This was intimidating...until we realized that Drippy was haring by himself. He propositioned several hashers by asking them if they'd like to hare with him. It would take Shitshow approximately 3 beers to take Drippy up on the offer.
The pack gathered at the Summer Shack near Alewife (sans the recommended orienteering gear) for the prelube. After a few beers and the requisite 6.9 minute head start, the pack circled. There weren't any virgins for sacrifice so marks were explained in a quick and dirty fashion, fitting for the hash. Introductions were accompanied by each hasher's best Michael Jackson impression. Impressions involved, among other things, mentions of young boys, stringy hair or just simply laying on the ground.
The pack scattered, searching for marks. Many of us went in the direction of Somerville or Cambridge, figuring that any bars in Arlington would be too full of non-fun yuppies to accommodate hashers. There's no WAY trail could be leading to Arlington. Except that it was...
Being out of our natural habitat of Cumbridge, the pack was confused, frightened and way too sober (Dear Summer Shack, Your beer is way to expensive for a bar next to Alewife. F you. Sincerely, the CH3). Nothing looked familiar. Cars were moving quickly, intersections were few and far between and the People's Republic was nowhere in sight. Where would we find cheap beer in this strange land. The answer, of course, was in a patch of mosquito infested woods set just off a main road.
Drippy managed to drag a cooler of cold PBR, Keystone and refreshing fruit into the suburban woods for the pack. It was here that Shitshow had 3 beers and agreed to co-hare with Drippy who convinced her in between large gasps for breath. In addition to beer, Drippy provided some sort of tablet that, supposedly, improved the taste of fruit. Being suspicious of what might be roofies, the pack turned down his generous offer of mystery drugs.
Just Craig began talking about some sort of USB masturbation aid, only sold in Japan, that was used with a computer. Many floppy disk to hard drive jokes were made. Mona Lay-a made an interesting comment when she noticed that one of Bros' pecs was larger than the other. That led Wang to say that he had "a Nancy Reagan thing going on." Nice.
After giving the hares 6.9 minutes (maybe less because of all the mosquitos), the pack climbed up a hill and across some railroad tracks in a bit of foreshadowing. As dusk set in, trail continued to wind through Arlington and possibly into Watertown. If it's not on the red line, I have no idea where it is. Finally, the pack made its way to an intersection with a check and no marks. After a half hour of searching, JGV realized that Drippy's house was 2 short blocks away. It turns out the hare had decided to be tricky and turn without leaving a mark. Clever hares.
In addition to the usual stash of shitty beer, Drippy provided meat and a grill for the pack.
Circle went something like this...
Hares - Drippy, Shitshow and Just Heather were brought in to the circle. Comments on trail included the notable fact that most of the pack was nearly hit by a train.
FRB - JGV, the least likely FRB and Fire in the Hole, the most likely FRB both drank for their crimes.
DAL - Wooden Eye somehow was the DAL. Before her down-down, Just Lloyed offered to "help
Wooden Eye finish" by cumming right then and there. He didn't and she didn't.
Just Lloyd then drank for unhashmanlike behavior because he did not, in fact, help her finish.
Mona Lay-a and Cum Fly With Me wore the same shirts on trail but CFWM changed before circle, hoping to avoid accusation. Her plea for pity went unheard and she was told to get the fuck in circle and drink.
Wooden Eye, Shitshow and Time of the Munch drank for having a private party and then serenaded the pack with verse from the S + M man.
Shitshow did an innocence down-down for asking what 'ludes are. She never got drunk enough to do a MJ impression
Drippy was the source of the 'ludes comment and he drank for trying to roofie the entire pack at the beer check.
RENAMING! Sticks it to the Bros was renamed because of Mona Lay-a's mention of his different sized pecs. Thanks to Wang's subsequent commentary, Bros is now known in Cumbridge as Nancy Reagan.
There was then an impromptu down-down for hashers that had been naked on Drippy's street. Participants were JGV, Shitshow and Wooden Eye.
Next was the condom down-down so I said that it was time to bring out the C-bomb. Cum Fly With Me then said..."The cabomb?" The pack lost its shit laughing. We were lizzing, laughing and wizzing.
Henceforth, the condom down-down will be known as the Cabomb!
Cabomb nominations were PBVpbv... for having a long name, Just Craig for talking about fucking his computer, JGV for talking about Japanese websites that sold masturbation aids in 6 flavors and textures, and Cum Fly With Me for renaming the condom down-down (and not knowing what it was).
CFWM renamed the down-down, so she was the "winner" and downed the Cabomb with gusto! SHE EVEN SUCKED THE BEER OUT OF THE HEAD OF THE CONDOM! Hashmanlike behavior.
The last down-down was a "fight" between Mona Lay-a and Time of the Munch. She, apparently, claimed that she could kick his ass. There was only one thing to do...
They had a shotgun contest and both were pretty poor. ML took a long time and TotM took a good minute and a half to crack open his can. No real "winners" here.
Circle wrapped with Today is Monday and the hash then went to put Drippy's meat in their mouth.
On-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Friday, July 24, 2009
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
CH3 Hash #18 - The Pick-up Hash
Due to unforeseen circumstances, Drippy Spigot had to pull out (ha!) of haring this month's trail. So, in true Cumbridge fashion, a pick-up hash was disorganized in Harvard Square. On a Friday night. During happy hour. Who thought up this clusterfuck?
That would be me, Krusty the Meat Miser! Trusty RA, hare raiser, GM, hash cash and scribe of this particular Cumbridge Hash!
This hash trash is guaranteed 6.9% accurate, as it's being written nearly a month after the fact.
When: Fri, Mar 27th
Hares: Gay Pride, Fire in the Hole, Krusty the Meat Miser, Sticks it to the Bros and Sugar Plum Fairy as bag storage
Pack: WANKERS, ALL OF THEM!
Pre-lube: Uno Chicago Bar + Whitney's, both in Harvard Square (the pack was split between them because it was happy hour on Friday and a bunch of hashers showed up)
On-In: Shay's Pub + Wine Bar, Harvard Square
On-After: Charlie's Kitchen, Harvard Square
After being split in two for the pre-lube, the pack reunited in the courtyard of Harvard Square and drew straws to see who would be the first hare. Gay Pride "volunteered" to be the first hare and took off carrying a bag full of flour, chalk and two bottles of spiked gatorade the chalk bag while the rest of us warmed up with a rousing rendition of Father Birmingham.
Trail began leisurely enough, winding through Harvard Square and into a parking lot without an exit. Marks ended abruptly as Gay Pride realized this and peed himself just a little bit. As the pack turned out of the parking lot, there was some confusion in the area around Legal Sea Foods. Eventually, trail led to the statues in Longfellow Park where Gay Pride was had cracked one of the gatorade bottles.
There was a secret beer check planned at Fire in the Hole's place. Not expecting a large pack, I had secretly planted a 12-pack of beer there. At the first beer check, realizing the pack was 25 rowdy hashers, an impromptu collection of hash cash for later beer buying was in order. With the money collected, Fire in the Hole (who was the FRB to the gatorade check) took the chalk and flour. Trail led along the Charles to the JFK bridge and along the Charles again to the Harvard footbridge. The pack took 20 minutes to run around a check until figuring out that trail went across the footbridge.
At this point, I'll admit racist behavior. Since I was the only other hasher who knew about the beer at Fire's, I needed to be the next hare. Luckily, Fire figured this out and signaled me with her tits (or by simply saying my name, details are foggy) as soon as I crossed the bridge. Much of the pack was thought lost to the maze of Harvard Square but they all showed up before I took off to lay some chalk and flour.
Trail went straight to Fire's place (you must have seen that coming). After arriving, I immediately raced (again) to the liquor store to buy more beer for the thirsty, thirsty pack. This was the 2nd beer check on a pick-up trail, which I believe is unprecedented in the greater Boston area. Basically, I was smart enough to plan the beer but lazy enough to not scout trail.
Bros smelled the beer first and was the lucky hasher to arrive first and claim the chalk. His trail led us straight back to the courtyard in Harvard Square and on to Whitney's.
Whitney's, being a tiny, tiny bar was too packed for circle on a Friday evening. Instead, the pack took over the patio at Shea's pub and wine bar. The waitress was good enough to provide us with lukewarm PBR and plastic glasses for down-downs. There were many of them but I can't remember a singe one. The condom down-down was done by SATRAC (maybe) who was falling asleep from jet lag during circle.
Afterwards, the pack headed to Charlie's Kitchen for burgers, more beer and some really gross bathrooms. In Cumbridge, we can improvise, even if it's on Friday night in Harvard Square.
On-pickup-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
That would be me, Krusty the Meat Miser! Trusty RA, hare raiser, GM, hash cash and scribe of this particular Cumbridge Hash!
This hash trash is guaranteed 6.9% accurate, as it's being written nearly a month after the fact.
When: Fri, Mar 27th
Hares: Gay Pride, Fire in the Hole, Krusty the Meat Miser, Sticks it to the Bros and Sugar Plum Fairy as bag storage
Pack: WANKERS, ALL OF THEM!
Pre-lube: Uno Chicago Bar + Whitney's, both in Harvard Square (the pack was split between them because it was happy hour on Friday and a bunch of hashers showed up)
On-In: Shay's Pub + Wine Bar, Harvard Square
On-After: Charlie's Kitchen, Harvard Square
After being split in two for the pre-lube, the pack reunited in the courtyard of Harvard Square and drew straws to see who would be the first hare. Gay Pride "volunteered" to be the first hare and took off carrying a bag full of flour, chalk and two bottles of spiked gatorade the chalk bag while the rest of us warmed up with a rousing rendition of Father Birmingham.
Trail began leisurely enough, winding through Harvard Square and into a parking lot without an exit. Marks ended abruptly as Gay Pride realized this and peed himself just a little bit. As the pack turned out of the parking lot, there was some confusion in the area around Legal Sea Foods. Eventually, trail led to the statues in Longfellow Park where Gay Pride was had cracked one of the gatorade bottles.
There was a secret beer check planned at Fire in the Hole's place. Not expecting a large pack, I had secretly planted a 12-pack of beer there. At the first beer check, realizing the pack was 25 rowdy hashers, an impromptu collection of hash cash for later beer buying was in order. With the money collected, Fire in the Hole (who was the FRB to the gatorade check) took the chalk and flour. Trail led along the Charles to the JFK bridge and along the Charles again to the Harvard footbridge. The pack took 20 minutes to run around a check until figuring out that trail went across the footbridge.
At this point, I'll admit racist behavior. Since I was the only other hasher who knew about the beer at Fire's, I needed to be the next hare. Luckily, Fire figured this out and signaled me with her tits (or by simply saying my name, details are foggy) as soon as I crossed the bridge. Much of the pack was thought lost to the maze of Harvard Square but they all showed up before I took off to lay some chalk and flour.
Trail went straight to Fire's place (you must have seen that coming). After arriving, I immediately raced (again) to the liquor store to buy more beer for the thirsty, thirsty pack. This was the 2nd beer check on a pick-up trail, which I believe is unprecedented in the greater Boston area. Basically, I was smart enough to plan the beer but lazy enough to not scout trail.
Bros smelled the beer first and was the lucky hasher to arrive first and claim the chalk. His trail led us straight back to the courtyard in Harvard Square and on to Whitney's.
Whitney's, being a tiny, tiny bar was too packed for circle on a Friday evening. Instead, the pack took over the patio at Shea's pub and wine bar. The waitress was good enough to provide us with lukewarm PBR and plastic glasses for down-downs. There were many of them but I can't remember a singe one. The condom down-down was done by SATRAC (maybe) who was falling asleep from jet lag during circle.
Afterwards, the pack headed to Charlie's Kitchen for burgers, more beer and some really gross bathrooms. In Cumbridge, we can improvise, even if it's on Friday night in Harvard Square.
On-pickup-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Thursday, February 19, 2009
Cumbridge Reborn!
The Cumbridge H3 is over a year old and has many hashes under its beer belly. There are very few rules governing those hashes aside from making sure they happen on Fridays on the Red Line. Creative on-afters are encouraged, if not standard, and often result in a shitshow of alcohol, hashers, nudity and fun (You're welcome!). However, there are some changes on the horizon.
The most identifiable aspect of Cumbridge hashing, in my mind, is the creativity and opportunity for experimentation that it offers the hares. Hash cash is flexible and has ranged from $5 (beer only) to $25 (beer, food and a concert ticket). The pack is generally smaller than in Boston, allowing for more subtle beer checks and tinier on-afters with annoying jukeboxes. The only thing left to free up is the location and day of the hash.
The CH3, despite its name, is no longer confined to the Red Line. Cambridge and Somerville have been hashed consistently by all the Boston kennels, so let's bring some of that creative Cumbridge energy to Southie, Allston, JP, etc. Look for fun on-ins all around town. As for the day, in Cumbridge, Friday is still the usual hashing day. That said, if there's a compelling reason to move it to a Thursday or Saturday (for example, a holiday showing of the Slutcracker) then go for it. Just keep the other Boston kennels in mind when scheduling.
If you're interested in haring, talk to any member of CH3 mismanagement (Drippy Spigot, Schindler's Fist, Sucks Hard for the $, Wang Chunks and me). In the meantime, to get the (mental) hash juices flowing, here are some previous CH3 hash concepts...
- A summer hash with 7 alcohol checks...
- A rock star trust me hash with the secret on-after being a G n' R cover band...
- Courtside karaoke as the on-after resulting in 2 hashers accidentally faking a Portuguese love song...
- An on-after at a semi-private bar with a Rock Band setup...
- A Big Lebowski themed hash the week of BH3 Marathon...
Finally, bookmark http://cumbridgeh3.blogspot.com for any announcements involving the CH3. See you on trail...
The most identifiable aspect of Cumbridge hashing, in my mind, is the creativity and opportunity for experimentation that it offers the hares. Hash cash is flexible and has ranged from $5 (beer only) to $25 (beer, food and a concert ticket). The pack is generally smaller than in Boston, allowing for more subtle beer checks and tinier on-afters with annoying jukeboxes. The only thing left to free up is the location and day of the hash.
The CH3, despite its name, is no longer confined to the Red Line. Cambridge and Somerville have been hashed consistently by all the Boston kennels, so let's bring some of that creative Cumbridge energy to Southie, Allston, JP, etc. Look for fun on-ins all around town. As for the day, in Cumbridge, Friday is still the usual hashing day. That said, if there's a compelling reason to move it to a Thursday or Saturday (for example, a holiday showing of the Slutcracker) then go for it. Just keep the other Boston kennels in mind when scheduling.
If you're interested in haring, talk to any member of CH3 mismanagement (Drippy Spigot, Schindler's Fist, Sucks Hard for the $, Wang Chunks and me). In the meantime, to get the (mental) hash juices flowing, here are some previous CH3 hash concepts...
- A summer hash with 7 alcohol checks...
- A rock star trust me hash with the secret on-after being a G n' R cover band...
- Courtside karaoke as the on-after resulting in 2 hashers accidentally faking a Portuguese love song...
- An on-after at a semi-private bar with a Rock Band setup...
- A Big Lebowski themed hash the week of BH3 Marathon...
Finally, bookmark http://cumbridgeh3.blogspot.
Sunday, February 8, 2009
Winter Beer Mile Hash Trash
Date: Sat, Feb 7th
Pre-Lube: The Summer Shack
Beer Mile Course: The Danehy Park Track
On-In: Cougar Consulting's apartment
Hare: Krusty the Meat Miser
Pack: Sugar Plum Fairy, I Eat Cum, Schindler's Fist, Moaning Lisa, Cougar Consulting, Jolly Green Vagina, Snatchsquatch, Wang Chunks
This hash trash contains the drunken recollections of the RA and is guaranteed only 69% accurate.
It was indeed the best beer check to mileage ratio the pack had seen this year. The pack gathered at the Summer Shack and waited an hour past HST to catch any stragglers. Despite the balmy winter weather, there were more spectators than participants in the actual event. Actually, the timing squad was probably bigger than the number of runners.
The pack headed to the Danehy Park track from the Summer Shack to find that it isn't shoveled during the winter. Here's a good view of the trail.
There was a lone hurdle set up on the track, courtesy of Fisty. It was not used but the typical beer mile hurdles of 4 beers and carbonation still remained.
Solo participants were Krusty, IEC and SPF while a relay team I'm calling "Hashing in Jeans" consisted of Fisty, Cougar Consulting, Moaning Lisa and Snatchsquatch. The 4 harriettes engaged in a heavy make-out session before the mile as a "team building exercise". After proper warmups, beers were opened, the clock was started and idiocy began.
Competition was as stiff as Krusty's freezing member (Keep in mind that he was wearing a kilt and no shorts, meaning not stiff at all). Krusty lapped all other participants while SPF was his typical zamboni self and IEC got great enjoyment from throwing snowballs at hashers coming for another beer. Hashing in Jeans was "pleasantly" surprised when Krusty decided to show a bit of skin while passing Fisty.
Real men go commando. The beer mile wrapped up and was quietly observed by some norms walking their dogs around the park. Instead of circling up on the snowy ground, Cougar Consulting offered up her nearby mauling pad for violation by the hash. Cars were gathered and some hashers arrived there in a timely manner. Another car, however, cut a 6 mile detour up to Belmont before getting back on track and barely beating the Chinese delivery guy to Cougar's.
Circle was casual, with hashers enjoying the warmth sitting in chairs or on a couch. Occasional people on the bike path were unwilling participants thanks to windows overlooking the path in Cougar's place. IEC took over as RA for the first down-down for the hare. He sang "Shitty Trail" but the pack came back with a rousing version of the Cumbridge classic, "You're a Shitty Hare". Krusty then took over as RA to administer the following down-downs...
FRB - Krusty the Meat Miser
DFL and runnning in jeans - IEC, Moaning Lisa, Schindler's Fist, Snatchsquatch
Smaht Kids - Fisty
Lost on trail (on the way to CC's) - Krusty, Jolly Green Vagina, IEC, Fisty
Bruised Knees - Fisty
No Hash Attire - Fisty, Krusty, Snatchsquatch, Lisa
Finally, the condom down-down went to second time "winner", Krusty the Meat Miser. It seems to have been for making circle run too long after the food had been delivered. Sometimes, pics speak louder than words...
The next CH3 beer mile will be in the summer for you fair weather hashers. In the meantime, the March CH3 trail will be brought to you by none other than Drippy Spigot.
On-beermile-on,
Krusty
Pre-Lube: The Summer Shack
Beer Mile Course: The Danehy Park Track
On-In: Cougar Consulting's apartment
Hare: Krusty the Meat Miser
Pack: Sugar Plum Fairy, I Eat Cum, Schindler's Fist, Moaning Lisa, Cougar Consulting, Jolly Green Vagina, Snatchsquatch, Wang Chunks
This hash trash contains the drunken recollections of the RA and is guaranteed only 69% accurate.
It was indeed the best beer check to mileage ratio the pack had seen this year. The pack gathered at the Summer Shack and waited an hour past HST to catch any stragglers. Despite the balmy winter weather, there were more spectators than participants in the actual event. Actually, the timing squad was probably bigger than the number of runners.
The pack headed to the Danehy Park track from the Summer Shack to find that it isn't shoveled during the winter. Here's a good view of the trail.
There was a lone hurdle set up on the track, courtesy of Fisty. It was not used but the typical beer mile hurdles of 4 beers and carbonation still remained.
Solo participants were Krusty, IEC and SPF while a relay team I'm calling "Hashing in Jeans" consisted of Fisty, Cougar Consulting, Moaning Lisa and Snatchsquatch. The 4 harriettes engaged in a heavy make-out session before the mile as a "team building exercise". After proper warmups, beers were opened, the clock was started and idiocy began.
Competition was as stiff as Krusty's freezing member (Keep in mind that he was wearing a kilt and no shorts, meaning not stiff at all). Krusty lapped all other participants while SPF was his typical zamboni self and IEC got great enjoyment from throwing snowballs at hashers coming for another beer. Hashing in Jeans was "pleasantly" surprised when Krusty decided to show a bit of skin while passing Fisty.
Real men go commando. The beer mile wrapped up and was quietly observed by some norms walking their dogs around the park. Instead of circling up on the snowy ground, Cougar Consulting offered up her nearby mauling pad for violation by the hash. Cars were gathered and some hashers arrived there in a timely manner. Another car, however, cut a 6 mile detour up to Belmont before getting back on track and barely beating the Chinese delivery guy to Cougar's.
Circle was casual, with hashers enjoying the warmth sitting in chairs or on a couch. Occasional people on the bike path were unwilling participants thanks to windows overlooking the path in Cougar's place. IEC took over as RA for the first down-down for the hare. He sang "Shitty Trail" but the pack came back with a rousing version of the Cumbridge classic, "You're a Shitty Hare". Krusty then took over as RA to administer the following down-downs...
FRB - Krusty the Meat Miser
DFL and runnning in jeans - IEC, Moaning Lisa, Schindler's Fist, Snatchsquatch
Smaht Kids - Fisty
Lost on trail (on the way to CC's) - Krusty, Jolly Green Vagina, IEC, Fisty
Bruised Knees - Fisty
No Hash Attire - Fisty, Krusty, Snatchsquatch, Lisa
Finally, the condom down-down went to second time "winner", Krusty the Meat Miser. It seems to have been for making circle run too long after the food had been delivered. Sometimes, pics speak louder than words...
The next CH3 beer mile will be in the summer for you fair weather hashers. In the meantime, the March CH3 trail will be brought to you by none other than Drippy Spigot.
On-beermile-on,
Krusty
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