CH3 Hash #12: Dick my Duck!!!

fI it walks like a duck, talks like a duck and drinks like a
duck . . it must be a hasher dressed like a duck. Come out and
celebrate the Rubber Ducky Derby Day!

When: Friday, July 11, 2008, 6:30 HST
Where: Tommy Doyle's, One Kendall Square #100, Cambridge MA
Nearest T Stop: Kendall Square, Red Line (Trail will be marked from the T)
Hares: SATRAC, Bend Over Mommy & Dick Me Duck
Dress: Your bestest waterfowl attire. Feathers. . . beaks. . .feathers . . .webbed feet. . . and a quacker.

On-Quack-On
SATRAC & BOM

Hash Trash: Fri the 13th Change Your Luck Hash

Due to the lack of scribe for this hash, this recounting of the Change Your Luck Hash is guaranteed to be only 6.9% accurate.

Hare(s): Drippy Spigot, Krusty the Meat Miser, G-String (as gay bag car)
Pack: Floppy Dick, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps, Nipples Erectus, Just Stina, Beat By a Girl, Dude Where's My Virginity, SATRAC, Crucifux, General Ass Pounder, Tonya Hardon, Pubic Service Announcement, Jolly Green Vagina, Dirty Latte Sanchez, Spoonful of Semen, Just Ricki (now Clamburglar), Nice Tits (crippled, rode in bag car), Taj My Hole (Sweat Test Failure), 8 virgins and a few others, alcohol clearly prevented me from remembering the entire pack.

Thanks to Fri the 13th, the entire hash was at risk of bad luck. The only way to fight it was numerically, with 7 BEER CHECKS within 4 miles (see trail map below). Previous trails had promised a shitload of alcohol checks, so the pack may have been expecting a paltry 3 or 4 beer checks to substitute for 7. But, these hares don't fuck around.

BC#1: Shots of Lemon Drop Schnapps
BC#2: Shitty beer in a park
BC#3: Spiked Watermelon
BC#4: More shitty beer at Krusty's
BC#5: Jello shots
BC#6: Shitty beer at PSA's
BC#7: Spiked Gatorade in a park
On-in: Tonya Hardon's basement


Crucifux RA'd loudly and unprofessionally (hashlike behavior!). There were down-downs for the hares, partial nudity as evidenced by anonymous shots of bearded clam on my camera, and 8 virgin dementings. The entire pack was really drunk by this point and nobody had a beer-proof notebook handy. One down-down, however, was worth documenting.

The pack was warned early on to hold on to the red solo cups they received at the beginning of trail. Their reward at the end was beer in circle. Floppy Dick, however, lost his cup just before circle. Finally, the elusive Cumbridge down-down is caught on film...

On-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser

The CH3 Fri the 13th Change Your Luck Hash!!!1!1!!

Cumbridge H3 presents...
The Fri the 13th Change Your Luck Hash-stravaganza
Friday, June 13, 2008
Start Location: The Cellar, 991 Mass Ave, Cambridge (Between Central and Harvard T stops. Trail NOT marked from T, use google maps you lazy bastards.)
Start Time: 6:30pm HST
Hash Cash: $5 (beer and shots only, no food included!)
Hares: Drippy Spigot, Krusty the Meat Miser and a mystery harriette

We all know that Friday the 13th is an unlucky day even without all the black cats crossing your path and mirrors (or condoms) breaking. To bring some good vibes to hashers and the city of Cumbridge, Drippy and I will be numerically combating bad luck. How, you ask? Why, with the lucky number seven, as in SEVEN beer/shot checks.

You'll also need your lucky cup (it'll be a red solo cup handed to you at the pre-lube). Don't lose it on trail because "if you drop your cup, you'll have bad luck." And if anyone thinks I made that up, I'm really not very clever. Just drunk. And usually half naked. Fine, completely naked. What is this, an inquisition? Anyway, less about me and more about how drunk you'll all be after SEVEN ALCOHOL CHECKS! Summer drinks and shitty beer are guaranteed!

Finally, if you missed the last Cumbridge hash, here's a picture that may convince you to show up for this one...

On second thought, ignore the picture and come to the hash to change your luck.

On-SEVENalcoholchecks-on,

Krusty the Meat Miser

Hash Trash: Spring Beer Mile

This recounting of last Friday's Spring Beer Mile is in chronological order and guaranteed 69% accurate.

Hare(s): Krusty the Meat Miser, Wang Chunks
Pack: G-String, Bend Over Mommy, Corn on the Cock, You Oughta Blow, Super Teflon Dong, Sugar Plum Fairy, Just Doug, Nipples Erectus (spectator), SATRAC (spectator), Tonya Hardon (spectator)

The weather was wet and slightly cold, just like your mom. I had some doubts as to whether the 4th Cumbridge beer mile would go off until I walked into Riverside Pizza and saw 2 dedicated hashers, G-String and Bend Over Mommy. They weren't making out, primarily because BOM isn't a dude.

More hashers gathered around our table and soon we were approached by a big dude asking what sport we played and if the game was rained out? We told him about our drinking club with a running problem, but he was skeptical. A few minutes later I took out the orange cones used to "officially" mark the beer mile course. He KNEW we were on a sports team then and asked again what our deal was. I decided to be honest and enlighten this man with an explanation of the beer mile. His response was, and I quote "I may not be from the same university as you but I'm no dummy. Go fuck yourself." Being a prophet of the beer mile isn't easy.

The pack left Riverside Pizza to the calls of "bag apartment" because the bags were stashed in my kitchen on the way to Magazine Beach. The hare was away to lay a short trail to the start and stunt RA Nips led the pack in a single-verse of "Hey, My Name is Joe." Unfortunately for the dudes, the harriettes mistook the lone tit check on trail for an eyeball check, though they did scout trail.

Once at the "beach", Wang Chunks magically appeared with 2 cases of PBR and Sugar Plum Fairy magically appeared with 2 cases of his bad self. The course was laid (unlike many of the hashers) and the beer distributed. Some hashers de-clothed at that point to reduce drag. G-String tore off his usual gay running gear to reveal gayer running gear. It was a Jazz jersey, quickly renamed the jizz jersey. Then, the rules were explained, the pack was off. Krusty was the first finisher at 10:23 with You Oughta Blow coming at 12:12. There was a single boot, but it was fantastic. Bend Over Mommy refunded what appeared to be all 4 of her PBRs into the Charles immediately after finishing her last lap.

Once Just Doug finished, circle began. The down-downs went something like this...

Hares: Wang Chunks, Krusty
CH3 Virgins: Super Teflon Dong, Just Doug
FRB/FBI/Overachievers: Wang Chunks/You Oughta Blow/G-String (gay jersey)
DFLs: Just Doug, Corn on the Cock
6.9th Place: Super Teflon Dong
SMAHT Kids (went to, works at, or had sex with someone from MIT or Harvard): SATRAC, Super Teflon Dong, Wang Chunks

Now, the condom down-down was famously premiered by the man without a gag reflex, Goat Throat. It now has a permanent place in Cumbridge and is given based on stupidity. The accused were...

SATRAC - Burning down a bunch of drugs but not inhaling the fumes.
G-String - The gay jizz jersey, again.
Super Teflon Dong - Refusing G-String's offer to "yank on his penis." <-- Scribe's words!
Corn on the Cock - Falling asleep on the potty at Crossroads and waking up to a locked bar AND doing the same thing at Tonya Hardon's apartment.

The winner (and loser), by applause, was Corn on the Cock and my only regret is not having any photo evidence. Watching a hasher drink from a condom is never going to get old. Circle was then wrapped up with "Today is Monday" and the pack headed to Hi-Fi pizza and then Phoenix Landing.

Other quotes: "G-String is gay, unbelievably gay." - written by the scribe
"My ball and chain thinks I went running" - G-String
"Wait 5 minutes, then I'll be drunk enough to have sex with you." - You Oughta Blow, waiting for the beer to hit just after finishing the beer mile
"Intelligence is not an STD." - Wang Chunks reciting the Cumbridge motto

On-beermile-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser