Hash Trash: Rock Band Hash-stravaganza

This recounting of the Rock Band Hash-stravaganza is mostly a pictorial study as the scribe was laying trail while most of you wankers were doing and saying stupid shit.

Hare(s): Wang Chunks, Krusty the Meat Miser
Bag Car: Nice Tits, Just Jinn
Pack: Goat Throat, Bend Over Mommy, High Anus, Drippy Spigot, Crucifux, Wooden Eye Fuck Her In The Ass, 1-900-CUM-4KIX, Save a Tree Ride a Cowboy, Nipples Erectus, Piss Stop, Ken Doll, European Whore, Shorn Scrotum, Peppermint Pussy, Stretch Pussy, Dude Where's My Virginity, Catheter the Great, G-String, Goes Down on Buoys, The Sound, The Furry, Just Katie, Virgin 'stina, Virgin Anthony, Bleeps Sweeps and Creeps (Seacoast H3), Catcher in the Thighs (visitor)
Late Cummers: Taj My Hole, Sugar Plum Fairy, Snatchsquatch, DEEP Black Hole

Hi-Fi in Central is known for cardboard pizza slices that taste great when you're hammered at 3am. Aside from that, it serves beer and was the launching point for the Rock Band Hash on Friday, Mar 14th. Trail began across Mass Ave and quickly went into Central Square, only to wind south down Brookline Ave to a healthy checkback. It brought the pack through a dog park, with several mounted cannons. Though an ideal place for a shotgun check, the hares opted to have the pack work a bit harder for lukewarm cans of Natural Ice.

Trail then circled around the MIT athletic fields and eventually on them towards the track. This is where the hares had the pleasure of watching a confused pack from the top of a parking garage across the street. Eventually, trail was found across the street and over the railroad tracks to a check. The pack ran parallel to the tracks and proceeded to run RIGHT BY the next mark on some stairs. The stairs led to a footbridge, which High Anus found using his Rock-Star-sense. The pack trickled in, thirsty for their cans of Miller High Life and Natural Ice.

The Beer Check...

Yup, he's one of the guys responsible for trail.

And he accidentally went on a gay date once.

Performing "cannilingus". Anyone have the number for rehab?

After much merriment at the garage, trail went through some interesting buildings and other parts of the MIT campus. It led to a Jack Daniels check (unofficially endorsed by Slash!) in an amphitheater. From there, the pack was led to Kendall Square and the entrance to MIT's underground tunnels. The pack gave the hares a scare by nearly snaring us at the end of the tunnels but we managed to get our urine-soaked shorts to the on-in, the Thirsty Ear just before the pack.

Circle was held in the loud, crowded bar. I'll be honest, I was drunk and don't remember much and nothing was recorded because the Cumbridge H3 is illiterate. So, instead, the story of circle will be told in pictures...

The virgins and on-trail rock stars give their best rock star poses

G-String gifts Krusty with his namesake...see any resemblance in the hair?

The final down-down is now notorious in the circles of both the Cumbridge and Boston hashes. It's the newest CH3 sensation, the "Your Daddy Should've Worn a Rubber" down-down. From now on, at every CH3 hash, nominations will be taken and whoever has done the most galactically stupid thing will drink from a condom. Goat Throat earned this one by wearing a canadian tuxedo (jeans+jean jacket) and a Molson Canadian biking shirt. He also earned it because we know he'll do just about anything. In this case, that meant drinking beer out of a condom...

The condom is loaded.

Help with the down-down.

Savoring the taste.

So, anyone who's done something stupid, ask Goat Throat for some advice on how to get that taste out of your mouth.

Oh, we also played a bunch of Rock Band at the Thirsty Ear.

The next Cumbridge hash will be on Tue, Apr 15th, kicking off a week's worth of hashing, leading up to the Boston H3 Marathon Hash! Click here to register for the Boston H3 Marathon Weekend Hash.

CH3 Hash #8: Rock Band Hash-stravaganza

(FAIR WARNING: Do not click on asterisked* links if you might get fired for doing so.)

Cumbridge H3 presents...
"These Go To Eleven" Rock Band Hash-stravaganza
Friday, March 14, 2008
Start Location: Hi-Fi Pizza and Giant Sub, 496 Mass Ave, Cambridge (Central Square T stop)
Start Time: 6:30pm HST
Hash Cash: $15 (and worth every penny!)
Hares: Krusty the Meat Miser and Wang Chunks
<>Please RSVP to meatmiser@gmail.com if you think you're cumming<>

(Almost) fresh off the heels of the wildly successful ROCKSTAR Trust Me hash, the CH3 wants you to reprise the role of your inner rock star and join the band! You heard me right--the on-in will feature a full-fledged Rock Band rig. Everyone will able to form bands and rock out to their hearts' content! And we'll need EVERYONE'S (booze-enhanced) talent--drummers, guitarists, bassists, and vocalists! Hell, there will even be a CH3-branded keg to keep you from getting too nervous on stage! All rock stars will be fed home-cooked hot meal (not to be confused with a hot lunch*), and will receive personalized back-stage passes (aka: tags) to commemorate the experience! And all of the above is just at the on-in!

In logic-defying fashion, the trail promises to deliver parts of the people's republic that many of you wankers have never seen--complete with a rock-star shotgunning check and a shot of liquid courage check!

If you've never played Rock Band before--don't worry! Beginners and experts alike can individually set their level of difficulty, so everyone in the band--regardless of experience--can have a blast playing along!

Rock Star dress is highly encouraged, and can include, but is not limited to:
* New piercings / tattoos
* Pink/blue/green hair
* Anything you've ever seen Krusty the Meat Miser wearing


IMPORTANT NOTE:
Kindly let the hares know if you're planning to cum (send an email to meatmiser@gmail.com). Thanks to a little creative license with the help of an ecard*, "These [personalized name tags/home-cooked foods/kegs of beer/etc.] aren't going to lick themselves." Err... I mean... If you let us know in advance that you're cumming, we'll make sure to have enough beer/food/backstage passes/rockband for all! No payment necessary until the day of the hash... a "who's cumming" will be posted shortly--stay tuned!

Hash Trash: Winter Beer Mile

This recounting of last Friday's Winter Beer Mile is in chronological order and guaranteed 69% accurate as the scribe/RA showed up late and didn't actually run.

Hare(s): Wang Chunks, Krusty the Meat Miser
Pack: Goat Throat, 'Ed Master, Sticks it to the Bros, You Oughta Blow, Nice T!ts, Wooden Eye F*ckerinthass, Jolly Green Vagina, Crucifux, Shorn Scrotum, SATRAC, Nipplus Erectus, Bleeps, Sweeps and Creeeps (Seacoast H3), Scooby Do Me (CCH3), I Eat Cum (HVH3), Jimmy Crackwhore (HVH3), Foreskin (a bunch of hashes)

The pack gathered for a pre-mile pint at the Powderhouse Pub in Somerville. The smart ones kept their stomachs empty but the true hashers lined their stomachs with alcohol early. Wang Chunks was the first one there, turning tricks for hash cash and using it buy cases of premium beer like Milwaukee's Best and PBR. Both Jolly Green Vagina and I Eat Cum had worn skid-marked tighty-whities outside their windpants in order to combat crotch cold and to "look distinguished" on the track. Later, Crucifux professed her attraction to Nice T!ts and the two proceeded to make out. Discussions of mutual fingerblasting were then broken up by cries of "on out", as someone is very, very stupid.

(Note: These events may not have actually happened, as the scribe missed the pre-lube due to complications during a sex change operation.)

Arriving at the track, the silhouettes of overachievers could be seen doing wind sprints from the starting line of the event. Most would later vomit and all would later drink for such blatantly racist behavior. The rules of the beer mile were explained for the benefit of the virgins at the event (beer, 1/4 mile, repeat 3 more times, booting = run extra lap), the beer mile began and chugging ensued. Well, more accurately, some chugging and A LOT of sipping ensued. Goat Throat proved, once again, that his gag reflex doesn't exist. I Eat Cum, Sticks it to the Bros and 'Ed Master followed close behind. Everyone else was drinking with pinky daintily extended, like a teetotaler. Eventually more empty aluminum cans fell to the track.

After the beer had settled, Goat Throat blew the competition. Away with a time of 7:40. You Oughta Blow led the field of harriettes with a time of 11:56. To see full results head to beermile.com and type "cumbridge" into the race search engine. There was some magnificent booting/alcohol abuse by I Eat Cum and Jimmy Crackwhore.

Back at the Powderhouse Pub, circle was led by dashingly handsome RA, Krusty the Meat Miser. Being the "hare", Wang Chunks demonstrated a Cumbridge down-down after being told to "get on your knees, bitch!" Next up were the over (the 6) and under (the 9) achievers, the FRB (Goat Throat), FBI (You Oughta Blow) and DAL (Jimmy Crackwhore). There was a special down-down for 6.9th place of the 6.9th running of the Cumbridge hash (Nice T!ts). Next up were the wind sprint violators and other racists (I Eat Cum, Sticks it to the Bros, Jimmy Crackwhore, Goat Throat, You Oughta Blow for a track shirt). Then the visitors (I Eat Cum, Jimmy Crackwhore, Foreskin, Bleeps), who sang us a song about a mouse or the ballgame or maybe something about 2 tickets to paradise. The sweatless among us drank for their mooching of beer from the running, thirsty masses (Krusty, SATRAC, Nipples, Bleeps, Foreskin, Wang). The special "Smaht Kids" down-down was next, for anyone associated with MIT, Harvard or Tufts or anyone who had sex with someone from those universities (almost everyone). Intelligence is NOT an STD, by the way. Crucifux then complained via squeaking noises that Sticks it to the Bros was molesting her with his finger so he proceeded to do a Catholic priest down-down WITH HEADGEAR IN CIRCLE. Another one for Bros. Scooby Do Me's shoes were clearly 9.69% new. He couldn't decide which one to take off, so removed both and drank from both.

There were several other accusations that I failed to remember but circle was closed with a rendition of "Today is Monday." The hash was then led in a rousing version of "I Used to Work in Chicago" by Foreskin. The hash then headed (who said...?) to Redbones for a drink or two to settle their stomachs.

On-beermile-on,
Krusty the Meat Miser
Cumbridge RA Emeritus
"Cum Loud"

CH3 Run #6.9: The Winter BEER Mile!

Due to the unseasonably warm weather and the seasonably cheap cost of PBR, the Cumbridge Hash House Harriers present their Winter Beer Mile on the SECOND FRIDAY of February.

A beer mile involves 4 quarter miles and 4 beers. Drink a beer, run a lap. Do it 4 times and you've completed a beer mile. Congratulations! Any vomiting results in running a penalty lap but not a penalty beer. Click here for complete rules.

Come out to see who boots! Who doesn't! See if Goat Throat, the man without a gag reflex, will be there defending his title! See if Wang Chunks runs in jeans again! See who's flirting with the male bartender after the beer mile (God, please let it be SPF)!

Hope to see you there. Details below...

When: Friday, Feb 8th @ 6pm HST, heading to the Tufts track at 645pm. Due to time constraints, no late entries once the beer mile starts.

Where: Meeting @ Powderhouse Pub, 682 Broadway, Somerville, MA.

Hash Cash: $5 for runners and spectators, beer for all (yay!) but food not included.

Who: Dumb, dumb half-minds. That means you! And me!

On-BEERMILEBEERMILEBEERMILEBEERMILEBEERMILE-On,
Krusty the Meat Miser